There was a bunch of crazy stuff going on in Washington DC that was super bumming me and the little woman out so we decided to get out of town and recharge our batteries. And you know the first place we always go to get some rest and relaxation is the Middle East. We love to relax among the chosen and the damned, ha ha just kidding you Muslims (not really though if our rabbi back home is reading this).
Hadassah and I packed our bags we headed off for our vacation fun spot, The flight over was pretty good but I think the pilot might have been a bit anti-Semitic because it seemed like he was flying through all that turbulence on purpose. I nearly spilled my champagne and nearly dropped several spoonfuls of caviar. Big "H" and I were pumped by the time the plane landed in Iraq though.
Until we got out and they told us that Hadassah would not be allowed inside Iraq. It's some new law they passed, evidently, that says only so many Jews can be in Iraq at one time. She's quite the trooper, oops no pun intended!, and she said no prob and that she'd go to Jordan to see what was up there and maybe she'd hang with Queen Noor and they'd go to a beauty parlor together or something. So I kissed her good bye and I went on into Baghdad with my requisite armored escort.
On they way into town we stopped off at a roadside market and I picked up a pair of cheap sunglasses. Boy, my old pal Lindsay Graham was right, you can get great bargins here! I'll have to vote with him on something to show how much I appreciate him for telling me about these great bargins!
Next thing I know, they're whisking me off to show my the new 'Wall O' Maps' in the Green Zone. Some Army guys were moving pins around on the map and saying stuff to me, it was really neat. Hey have you noticed that crazy vest they made me wear? It really made me look like a sharp dressed man!
After hanging out in that part of the Green Zone I asked to go see some of the other barracks where our brave men and women are being held, oops, I mean being stationed. They drove me past one of the new Halliburton built building where our troops stay when they are not patrolling the city.
It seemed nice to me, but I bet those loud mouth anti war people back home might have called it a "fixer upper." Boy those people really chap my ass.
We drove past the new Denny's in Baghdad. I'm going to eat there next time, even if Hadassah says I can't! I'm independent gosh dang it and I do what I want!
Next up was my meeting with this guy. I forgot who he was at first then I remembered. It was so fun meeting the guy who played that Pakistani character on Seinfeld. Who knew he was President of Iraq now? I sure didn't. He's got a real real strong grip, in fact it felt like he was going to squeeze my hand off or something. He said I was the first Jew he had touched that he did not want to kill right away, so I'd say that progress in my book!
I did hear him mumble something about Israel dying under his breath as he washed his hand after I shook it. Oh well, Baghdad is a dirty city and dust is everywhere.
Another sign of progress I saw was on the trip back to the airport.
Before they would have bombed everything including this woman's clothes line. But now they only bombed the building! See? That progress right there! So based on that I'm voting to keep our troops here for as long as my President wants them here.
Iraq is a truly wonderful place and our bombs made it even better! It's a paradise in the Middle East. We're so definitely doing the right thing by staying there forever, I'm sure of it. Maybe next time though Haddassah and I will go to the Virgin Islands or Jamaica to get our R and R, they don't have any rules about how many Jews can get into those places after all.
Hadassah and I packed our bags we headed off for our vacation fun spot, The flight over was pretty good but I think the pilot might have been a bit anti-Semitic because it seemed like he was flying through all that turbulence on purpose. I nearly spilled my champagne and nearly dropped several spoonfuls of caviar. Big "H" and I were pumped by the time the plane landed in Iraq though.
Until we got out and they told us that Hadassah would not be allowed inside Iraq. It's some new law they passed, evidently, that says only so many Jews can be in Iraq at one time. She's quite the trooper, oops no pun intended!, and she said no prob and that she'd go to Jordan to see what was up there and maybe she'd hang with Queen Noor and they'd go to a beauty parlor together or something. So I kissed her good bye and I went on into Baghdad with my requisite armored escort.On they way into town we stopped off at a roadside market and I picked up a pair of cheap sunglasses. Boy, my old pal Lindsay Graham was right, you can get great bargins here! I'll have to vote with him on something to show how much I appreciate him for telling me about these great bargins!
Next thing I know, they're whisking me off to show my the new 'Wall O' Maps' in the Green Zone. Some Army guys were moving pins around on the map and saying stuff to me, it was really neat. Hey have you noticed that crazy vest they made me wear? It really made me look like a sharp dressed man!
After hanging out in that part of the Green Zone I asked to go see some of the other barracks where our brave men and women are being held, oops, I mean being stationed. They drove me past one of the new Halliburton built building where our troops stay when they are not patrolling the city.
It seemed nice to me, but I bet those loud mouth anti war people back home might have called it a "fixer upper." Boy those people really chap my ass.We drove past the new Denny's in Baghdad. I'm going to eat there next time, even if Hadassah says I can't! I'm independent gosh dang it and I do what I want!
Next up was my meeting with this guy. I forgot who he was at first then I remembered. It was so fun meeting the guy who played that Pakistani character on Seinfeld. Who knew he was President of Iraq now? I sure didn't. He's got a real real strong grip, in fact it felt like he was going to squeeze my hand off or something. He said I was the first Jew he had touched that he did not want to kill right away, so I'd say that progress in my book!I did hear him mumble something about Israel dying under his breath as he washed his hand after I shook it. Oh well, Baghdad is a dirty city and dust is everywhere.
Another sign of progress I saw was on the trip back to the airport.
Before they would have bombed everything including this woman's clothes line. But now they only bombed the building! See? That progress right there! So based on that I'm voting to keep our troops here for as long as my President wants them here.Iraq is a truly wonderful place and our bombs made it even better! It's a paradise in the Middle East. We're so definitely doing the right thing by staying there forever, I'm sure of it. Maybe next time though Haddassah and I will go to the Virgin Islands or Jamaica to get our R and R, they don't have any rules about how many Jews can get into those places after all.
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