resident bring us to the hut of Rep. Ron Paul of Texas.Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein: Thanks for sitting down with us.
Rep. Paul: You betcha.
Dr. MVM: (looking around) So you live here in a hut?
Rep. Paul: Yep. I don't believe in houses. Nothing about living in houses in the Constitution, so no house for me.
Dr. MVM: You represent the "libertarian wing" of the GOP, is that right?
Rep. Paul: Yes.
Dr. MVM: And just what do you stand for? What is the role of government in your opinion?
Rep. Paul: We stand for less government and what government we do like is very limited.
Dr. MVM: So you feel the government has gotten too big. What parts of the US government would you cut?
Rep. Paul: I'd cut the cabinet departments, the legislature, the Supreme Court, most of the military, anything to do with the arts, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid...
Dr. MVM: Wow. And what would you replace it with?
Rep. Paul: I would not replace the cabinet departments. Since we would not need any new laws we'd jettison the Congress forever. No new laws means no one needs to interpret them so bye bye Supreme Court money wasters. I'd have a big ass wall built around the whole country so no one could attack us, so there goes the need for your military. I'm a politician from Texas so you know I'm a cultural philistine, so see ya, hate to be ya NEA. The elderly, the disabled, and the sick poor are just a drain on the rest of us anyway, so we wouldn't need them other programs.
Dr. MVM: That's quite a strict vision you are proposing. What do we do with the money we save from not having to pay for all those programs?
Rep. Paul: Some of it goes back to the people, whoever is President gets a pay raise, and the rest we blow on hookers, paint by number kits, and snack cakes.Dr. MVM: Yikes. You scare us.
Rep. Paul: Someone has to. Someone needs to wake this country up. We've been living high on the hog for too long. We need to get back to old time values and to old ways of doing things, you know survival of the fittest and the weak get eaten by the rest of the village while their family stands and watches and then their women get divvied up among the potent studs.
Dr. MVM: So you believe in evolution then.
Rep. Paul: Sure. Why not.
Dr. MVM: Well, it's not in the Constitution.
Rep. Paul: What? It's not? You sure about that?
Dr. MVM: Yep.
Rep. Paul: Shit. (Congressman Paul looks increasingly distressed then all of a sudden he smiles and says) Well, I'll just go pencil it in, and then when no one is looking I'll go over it later with a Sharpie and then we'll act like it's always been there.
Dr. MVM: Ummmm, okay then. I think I better be going now. Thanks for your time.
Rep. Paul: You bet. Hey, you've been so nice to me that I'm gonna do you a favor.
Dr. MVM: What kind of favor?
Rep. Paul: I'm gonna put you into the Constitution too. I'll draw your picture on it and then us libertarians will worship you instead of the Jesus fella. You been nicer to me than he has.
Dr. MVM: Thanks but no thanks Congressman.
Rep. Paul: Your loss. (Congressman Paul lays down) I need some shut eye now. You think about that favor monkey man. I got me a Sharpie, it's be no problem.
Dr. MVM: (from well outside the elderly crazy man's hut) Maybe one day, after people hear more about this guy's positions on things, instead of calling a mental hospital a monkey house, they'll call it a Ron Paul house.
3 comments:
Funny post! It is amazing how many people are taken in by this bit of horse raddish. His politics are just as you say, that the invisible hand of the market place will heal all and screw the poor.
unrestricted capitalism is da bomb. don't you monkeys remember how much of a utopia the industrial revolution was?
Doc- No one ever went broke by underestimating the intelligence of the American people, as someone once said.
Manila- Remember the revolution? Heck man, we helped bring it about. It got you humans out of our jungles and into the factories.
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