Who's watching the watchmen?

When I saw this I immediately thought of Stephen Colbert's great line from his infamous White House Press Club dinner appearance that went something like this, "The facts have a well known liberal bias." And it also reminds me of how Cheney went around spouting about how Amnesty International said that Saddam Hussein was a bad man before we attacked Iraq but after we began our now endless occupation he dismisses their concerns and calls them a far left whacko organization.

Republicans, they'll do anything to get elected and stay in office so they and their pals in big business can steal our rights and what little cash most of us have.

Lord Cheney got yet another one wrong

The callous cancerous tumor we call our Vice President got yet another one wrong in a recent interview with ABC. He said that President Bush had it worse than the 4000 dead American soldiers because the responsibility of sending them to war rested on Bush's shoulders.

How delusional is that uncaring unfeeling old bastard?

To say that Bush has it rough in this illegal immoral war is an impeachable offense in and of itself. Bush doesn't have to put on a uniform and go fight for the multinational corporations like he's made thousands of our men and women do. He won't ever get shot or killed on a field of battle and he certainly won't ever suffer from a disabling wound. He won't come home paralyzed from the neck down and he won't ever be severely injured and made little more than a vegetable as a result of having to go fight a war that should never ever have been waged in the first place. Neither Bush nor his family will ever have to suffer him going off to countless deployments to hold people hostage in their own country while they suffer through a civil war that we caused. Barbara Bush won't ever have to worry if her son's war wounds were exacerbated by being exposed to weapons that contained depleted uranium. Laura Bush won't ever have to worry if her husband comes home in one piece or not. Jenna and Not Jenna will always have their daddy around in one piece and they certainly won't have to worry about him suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for the rest of his life.

But you know what? Thousands of military families will have to suffer through all that. Thousands of our soldiers will have to suffer and possibly die because Bush and Cheney sent them to war.

And let's think of the Iraqi people for just a minute. I'm willing to bet they're suffering a hell of a lot more over this war than George Fucking Bush ever will. He's got a nice house to live in, he's got his family around him, he's a got a job, all his ill gotten wealth, he's got his future ahead of him, what have the Iraqi people got? They've got no electricity, little medical care, little fresh water or food, they've got terrorists in their country that weren't there until we illegally invaded. They've also got the US military holding them hostage so that Bush and Cheney can rake in millions of dollars in war profits.

You know what Lord Cheney? I'd say Bush and yourself have it pretty fucking easy in this war. All either of you have to do is to order more death and dismemberment so you and your pals in Haliburton, KBR, and Blackwater can rake in millions more in blood money. You know what else Lord Cheney? If you chickenhawks have it so rough, how about you try putting on combat fatigues and going to fight in Iraq. Your "boss" says if he didn't have to run things over here he'd love to be in Afghanistan, maybe if and when you two ever leave office you'll both go do your patriotic duty and go fight over there. And while we're at it, you can take all the war hawks in Congress, all the corporate media war cheerleaders, and all the folks in the military industrial complex who were war boosters with you and then you maybe our young men and women can come home.

You are an international disgrace Lord Cheney and you can't be gone from office soon enough to suit me.

Let's go back once again down deep in the bowels of the White House

(Our sensitive White House mics picked up this conversation recently.)

Dang, who left the TV on down here? Must have been Not Jenna, she watches all those smart aleck shows on all them fancy dan news networks. What's that say? Am I an idiot? Heh heh heh, I may be, but I'm still President until I leave heh heh heh. Damn I looked good in that suit. And my finger smelled real good that day too. I remember it like it was yesterday, hell it could have been yesterday for all I know. Hang on, what did I do yesterday?
Was yesterday the day I wore them fancy silky dresses with Pooter and that Chinaman?
No sir.
No? Who said that? Who's there?
It's me daddy. Jenna.
Oh hey baby girl, come here and give daddy some body sugar.
Num num nums, that makes Daddy feel so good when you rub up against him honey.
Umm Daddy, this is kind of creeping me out. I'm getting married soon so can we stop this kind of thing now?
In a minute baby, Daddy is almost there. He's almost to his happy place. Talk dirty to me honey and this'll go faster.
Oh ok, if you promise to hurry it up. Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton...
Yeah baby. More.
Medicaid, welfare checks...
Oh baby, you're so nasty....
Daddy, hurry up!
Almost...there...say it...baby doll...
TAX CUTS!!!!
Aieeeeeeeeeee, yes oh yes.
You know how to make Daddy feel good don't you? What am I gonna do without you? How am I gonna get along when you get married?
You'll manage. Maybe you'll get Mom to rub up against you.
(Our mics picked up a thumping sound.)
Hey, I recognize that beat, it's my Negro friends! Go let them in Jenna and then you run along.
Yo Prezi-dizzle, what up hometown?
Not much a nothing guys. I'm just sitting around doing my simple President thang. You know, I'm keeping it real for you black soul brother men.
(A phone rings.)
Hello? Karl is that you? I can't hear you. Speak up dang it. Karl? Karl? Aww screw you, whoever you are. If you ain't going to speak up then I'm gonna hang up!
Yo, Dub-a-dizzle, you had the phone all backwards and shit. We told you about that shit last time we hung with you.
Oh yeah. Heh heh heh, I forgot. Hey you guys got any Chronic on your bad selves? I sure could use something to relax me. I'm all worried about this Iraq war stuff. I think I might have made a mistake in sending our boys over there. I think maybe we're in a quagmire we can never get out of. I think maybe I've squandered too much of our country's money over there. I also may have fucked up by cutting taxes so much on my rich friends, the remaining tax burden on the working class and the poor may be too much for them to bear.
(All three men erupt in laughter.)
Dang G, you almost got through that with out crackin' up.
It's a good thing I'm not stoned yet or I'd be on the floor laughing my ass off. Pass me that joint my dusky black a Moor buddy.
(The room falls silent as the men smoke up. Then a loud female voice is heard.)
George? Are you down there smoking in the basement again?
Oh shit! It's Mom!
Later Prez-i-dizzle Dub-a-dizzle, we're out of here. Your Moms scares the shizzle out of us.
Okay fellers, ya'll be good. Thanks for the buzz! Bye now!
George? What are you doing down there?
Don't come down here Mom, I'm not smoking pot I promise. I'm just choking my chicken, that's all!

Man, I love being President. After I finish choking my chicken, I'm gonna cut taxes for my buddies once more and then I'll bomb Iran before my buzz wears off. Hail to the Chief bitches!!!!

In the video store...

...Sparky spotted the new Denzell Washington, Russell Crowe movie American Gangster and she said, "Hey look, they made a movie about Dick Cheney!"

The crux of the matter

I knew on some level that the blood thirsty jackals in the criminal cabal pictured below would find a way to spare their little Scooter, but what really pisses me off about this whole thing is this, one of my girlfriend's work friends has a son in the military who got his orders to go to Iraq yesterday, the same day one of the men who helped plan that mess over there and then broke the law to cover up for his boss who outed a CIA agent when her husband challenged their lies got out of serving a prison term.

If I hear one more Reich wing hack say that there was no crime in what Scooter did, then please by all means I want to see what happens to them if they stonewall a FBI investigation and lie under oath. If you or I did that shit we'd be in prison so fast that it would make your head spin.

But we didn't do it, no, we're too honest and too smart. And we don't have the best buds Scooter has. I'll bet you ten to one odds that Scooter gets a full pardon before King George the Worst gets out of office, if he leaves office that is.

So Scooter says "Fuck you" to the FBI and he lies on the stand during a Federal trial and he gets to serve no prison time as a result of his actions.

Aww, look at Scooter there on his crutches. Doesn't he look so brave? I'll bet he got injured playing squash or on his yacht or maybe he fell off us when he was fucking us over and he hurt his wittle self.

Now think about this for a second, and I made this point earlier in another post, what if Scooter had been black?
He'd have been led from the court in shackles after his guilty verdict had been read a few months ago. He'd have been shoved into the hardest supermax prison there is in the Federal system.

But he's white and rich, and Republican, and best buds with Cheney, so he gets off.

But who's still getting sent to the hellish prison known as Iraq under our occupation?

My gf's work friend's son. He's still got to serve in a war those bastards started and will never end. They clink champagne glasses and toast Scooter's job of takin' one for the team while another black man gets to serve in a war he didn't start and didn't want.

Now of course he knew what he was getting into when he signed up. He knew that he may get sent to fight somewhere, everyone who signs up knows that. But what he also knew was that he had every right to think that the men who sent him to war would follow the same laws he has to when he is home. He also has the right to expect that the people who ask him to go to war did not lie through their teeth to get us into the war. He also has the right to expect that the criminals who started this war would work to end it after 5 years instead of sending more and more troops over.

And that is what is pissin' me off about this Scooter going free bullshit. I'm trying really hard to love my country right now but those blood thirsty war mongerin' law breakin' justice subvertin' bastards in the White House make it hard. God damn all of you bastards, I hope I'm wrong and that there is a god and that she smites all of your Reich wing asses for the crimes you committed against this country and against the world.


If you haven't seen this film yet, I suggest you watch it on this July 4th. Maybe it will piss you off and make you get off your ass and do something to end the war. It did the trick for me and my gf.

Don't worry...

...it's not a smile, he's just got bad gas.

Thanks everyone!

Well we are overwhelmed with gratitude for you today. It seems that you, the wonderful people who read this blog, are responding to the National Impeach Cheney Poll in record numbers. You are responding so well that in fact this humble little blog is in the top ten of referring websites that link to the Impeach the Dark One Poll.

Thanks so much for sending such a loud and clear message.


And thanks for putting us in the big time.

But this new found fame does have it's dark side. It seems that we had a visitor from the Department of Veterans Affairs on our little blog and they found us through the Toss Out the Friend Shooting/Covert CIA Agent Outing Asshole Poll. This visitor from our nation's capital stayed on our little blog for a little over 14 minutes. We hope they had a learned something along with having a laugh, but we seriously doubt they did either one of those things, laughed or learned anything.

We bet they would love to use a sledgehammer on our little monkey head and then apply electrodes to our naughty places so they could shock the monkey into behaving. Or maybe we're just paranoid.

In any case, we're proud that in your eyes we rock.

And one more thing, no matter what happens, don't give up. Ever.

And yes, we dig Peter Gabriel, we're monkeys after all, not some unfeeling mandroid like Dick Cheney.

Impeachment Saturday Protest Report

We just got back from the impeachment protest here in Johnson City, Tn. The turn out was light, about 15 of us, and the weather was a tad cool.

All in all though for being in a heavily Republican area of TN, we had a good show of support from drivers by who saw our protest. We got many enthusiastic thumbs up and a lot of people honked to show support. The shows of support cut across age lines and across economic lines, people who drove rust bucket bomb ass cars supported us as well as some who drove SUVs.

On the other hand there were many people who gave us the middle finger salute, some gave us the thumbs down, and others screamed unintelligible gibberish at us. One woman in a full size pick up truck slowed down and shouted at us, "Have you ever been to ground zero? you need to support the President!" I shouted back, "You need to learn the facts, Iraq had NOTHING to do with 9/11. Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11." She shouted back, "I know the facts." being the nice hairless monkey I am I corrected her, "No you don't. Iraq has nothing to do with 9/11 and you need to stop driving that gas guzzler, it's ruining the environment!" She became almost unhinged but the light turned green and she had to drive away. However about 20 minutes she drove back by and slowed down to shout, "I use this truck to make my living!" Since she was blocking traffic I shouted at her to move along and to stop holding up traffic. Reluctantly she drove off.

Like I said before Monkey Muck HQ is in a very heavily Republican part of TN, so it is very satisfying for us to do these type of protests. Why is that? Because it's good to let others who share our views and beliefs that not all simians and humans swallow the crap flows out of the White House and the corporate media. We may never change anyone's mind out here at our protests, but what we can do is to let other liberals and progressives around here know that they are not alone.

So yeah, we'll endure the cat calls, we will put up with the assholes who called us "Commies!" and "dirty Hippies," we'll take your abuse because, unlike you, we have the guts to take a stand and to use our Constitutional rights. And we will not stand idly by while King George tries to run roughshod over our civil liberties and as he leads us further into the fiasco known as the war on Iraq. His minions may hate us for saying that their King needs to be deposed but they'll love us when it's their turn to protest.

Going to see Dennis Kucinich

That's right boys and girls, we are going to see Rep. Dennis Kucinich, one of our favorite Presidential candidates, live and in the flesh tomorrow night in Asheville, NC. He will be speaking at UNC Asheville and we will be there to see him.

Why do we love this long shot? Let me count the ways:

• He introduced articles of impeachment against Darth Cheney.
• He is the sponsor of the Department of Peace.
• He wants to take out the profit motive in our health care system.
• He's been a firebrand since the days when he was the youngest ever Mayor of Cleveland, Ohio

We loved him then and we love him now. And you know what Dennis? We're sorry for not voting for you in the TN Democratic Primary back in 2004.

We are psyched about seeing any candidates in person in our area but even more so because this one holds so many positions so close to our little simian hearts.

The Democratic Party Debates or "The Scrap In SC"

It was mostly a predictable affair, they all slammed the Idiot in Chief, who it must be said, deserves it richly. They all tried to appear cogent, Presidential, and pretty. Some even tried to pretend they were higher in the polls than they really are, did you hear that Joe Biden?

The stand outs from the nights debate were Mike Gravel, former Senator from Alaska and now elder statesman and fire brand of the party, and Rep. Dennis Kucinich. They stood head and shoulders from the pack in our opinion because they spoke out and said what has to be said, namely that we should end this crazy war now, we should impeach Cheney for his crimes against our Constitution, we must stop using war as a weapon of foreign policy, we must act responsibly on the world stage, we must treat all other nations as equals, and we must work to become a force for good in the world. Gravel also pointed out that we really have no enemies and that we spend way crazy amounts on the military. We here at Monkey Muck HQ almost wept when Gravel said that the military industrial complex is ruining this country, we'd also like to point out that multi national corporations like Wal-Mart also play a role in fucking up the good ol' USA and when the candidate that has our heart Kucinich whipped out his pocket sized copy of the Constitution.

Edwards seemed very sincere but when he started playing the "I pray to my lord for forgiveness and guidance everyday" card, we almost threw up.

The ostensible front runners, in other words the two who the corporate media want us to back, Obama and Hilary, both had problems. It seemed like Hilary did not want to answer a question directly, she still would not distance herself form her vote to go to war, and she gagged it on a question about whether Wal-Mart was bad for America or not, by the way it is. Obama got a little testy with the other candidates and he seemed a bit stiff in his mannerisms. Neither gets high marks from us.

Richardson lost us on when we found out he is the favorite of the NRA.

Dodd and Biden need to hang it up and hope they get invited to join in the next administrations cabinet.

But seriously, it's way too fucking early for this stuff. Ahh, who are we kidding, we fucking love it.