A world gone wrong

How fucked up is our economic and political system? It's so fucked up that when the Yes Men
put out a real looking press release that says that GE is going to pay some of the taxes they owed in order to offset some of the cuts to the budget that are going to harm working people Wall Street slams GE and their stock price drops. Imagine that, your multinational corporation gets slammed for doing the right thing. Too bad the Yes Men were pulling a hoax on us, but I'm glad it made GE's stock go down.

Fuck yeah Yes Men.

Do the right thing

Yo Wal Mart, do the right thing and pay for not only for the guy who got trampled to death in your store's funeral, also find out if he had any kids or not and if he did then pay into a trust fund for their upkeep until they turn 18. And while you're at it do the following things:

• Stop helping create a culture of need where people who have everything think they need more and more.
• Stop helping make an environment where people get trampled to death in your stores.
• Stop buying so much shit made in China and other places. Seriously, it's going to be better for all of us if you buy stuff for resale that's made in the USA. Yes, you're going to have to raise your prices a bit but it's better for all of us in the long run.
• Stop being so anti union. You let your stores in China have unions and by golly they still run and make a profit for you. Stop being such greedy bastards and let your employees share in the wealth.
• Stop building so many stores. Smallish communities don't need your super stores, they need mom and pop businesses that give more back to the community than you do.
• Start giving more and more back to the community you cheap bastards.

It's about time you started operating in the national interest and stopped being all about profit at any cost. I hope people get so sickened by the trampling death at your store that they decide to stop shopping at your stores because they fear they will get trampled as well.

I'm going to do my part and keep reminding people that people get killed at your store until you do your part and start acting like a responsible corporate citizen.

The first few million of the bailout money has hit the banks

And corporate America knows exactly what to do with it.

Don't do it

If the idiots in Congress let the people who brought us the ineffectual response to Katrina, the endless waste of money and lives that is the war of terror on Iraq, and the squandering of the biggest budget surplus we've seen in our lifetimes handle this current crisis in the financial markets without any oversight then it's sheer madness. When Bush and his conservative cronies finally cause our economy to collapse, it's not going to be pretty. We'll all look like this guy in this Jack Kirby comic book panel:
This bail out MUST include help for the millions of hard working Americans who lost their homes after being given a bad loan by the banks who now cry for our tax dollars to save them. We've also got to address the root causes of the problems that led us here in the first place, deregulation of the banking industry and the insatiable greed of Wall Street and corporations. I'm a student of history and this current financial crisis stuff sounds a lot like what was said right before the Great Depression hit and it sounds like the talk that preceeded most every financial crisis that hit the USA in the 19th century. I hope we're not stupid enough to let history repeat itself again.

Must see TV

No, it's not on NBC anymore, it's on PBS on Friday nights.   Check out this interview and this one too and then you'll know why you're working harder for less and less.  Maybe if enough people see it and get pissed off about how we're being raped by corporations, lobbyists, Congress, and the complicit corporate media then we'll be ready to take some action against the bastards.

It's no wonder Bill O'Reilly hates Bill Moyers so much.  O'Reilly hates anyone who has the courage to stand up to the thugs in power by airing interviews like the ones I linked.

And when the towns people heard that the Senate Republicans had stopped the windfall profits tax on the big oil companies...

...they mounted their steeds because it was too expensive to fill up their cars and they rode off to Washington DC to mete out justice to their elected representatives.

Seriously, thanks for showing us who's side you are on you damned Senate Republicans. And yes I'm sure both of the assholes who "represent" my state voted to block any taxes on their corporate overlords.

Here's the email I sent to both my asshole Republican Senators:

I hope you can sleep easy tonight knowing you kept your corporate paymasters in the oil business safe from having to pay taxes. You should be ashamed of yourself for not voting to tax the greedy oil companies while millions of people suffer as a result of their price gouging.

I suggest you apologize for your behavior and that you resign from the Senate the moment you receive this.

I'll be posting any repsonse you might give regarding this email on my blog so I'd choose my words very carefully if you choose to respond to this email.

The wheels of the car go 'round and 'round

They're having trouble paying for the schools here in Washington County, TN so they decided to put a fund raising measure on the primary ballot. When I say "fund raising measure" what I mean is they want us to vote on a tax, specifically it's a wheel tax and the powers that be in our county want to use that money for education.

I was surprised that they allowed us to vote on this in the first place, they usually impose such things on us by fiat and then say "Pay up or else!" What also surprised me was the fact they floated the idea of a wheel tax at all. Most people in the surrounding counties where I live routinely vote these kinds of taxes down and I expect we'll do the same thing here. I know I voted against it. But I didn't vote against it because I hate the little kiddies in schools. I voted against it becasue it is another in a long line of regressive taxes they want to foist on us.

You see folks, here in TN we have no income tax. What we have instead is one of the highest sales taxes in the nation. And it goes up almost every year. The last time they raised it they said they had to do it to pay for TennCare, our states one time version of Medicaid, but then the gutless politicians in Nashville gutted TennCare and they tossed all people off it except for children under the age of 18 and expectant mothers. Now, did the gutless wonders in Nashville give us back our tax increase once we no longer had TennCare? Nope. They continued to stick it to us and more specifically stick it to the poor and working class people of this state.

The poor and worknig class pay a high percentage of taxes under a sales tax only system. The rich and high income earners pay a far lower percentage of their earnings in taxes while reaping more rewards the state offers, such as tax breaks for businesses and tax breaks on the purchase of big ticket items like cars and homes. The sales tax rates are configured differently in this state for big ticket items because the state knows that if the rates were the same on expensive items, like cars and such, as they are for groceries and everyday items then people, especially people like Sparky and I who live near the Virginia and North Carolina borders, would buy those big ticket items out of state to avoid paying such high sales taxes.

This wheel tax business they are trying to get us to vote for says that any person who owns a vehicle with four wheels must pay a $50 a year fee. Some of you are saying, "That's not much to pay." Well if you drive one of these, it's not:
But if you drive a beat up one of these:
Hell yes it is too much to pay.

In this area where everything is spread out you must have a car to get around and to get by and this wheel tax would unfairly impinge more heavily on the already over taxed poor and working classes. Once again they'd be asked to pay a higher percentage of taxes than the wealthier citizens of this county. And I know damn well that the schools that would benefit the most from the tax would be the ones in the cities and not the ones that need it most, the ones in the outlying rural areas.

So if this wheel tax loses, which I expect it to do, whatever shall we do to fund our schools? They've already raised our property taxes, and we already pay city and county taxes here at El Casa de Monkey, and that's in addition to those scandously high sales taxes we pay too. Until we have a state budget meltdown they will never ever approve an income tax in Nashville. So again, I ask, whatever shall we do? Where shall all that money come from to pay for our schools?

Well, I'm glad you asked. Here's my idea, we pass a tax on the square footage of every business in the county, and why stop there? I say we institute a tax on the square footage of every business in our state. Here's how my idea would work:

• Every business, big and or small across the state pays a yearly tax of one dollar per square foot of their buisness. This would mean that businesses that are huge, like Wal-Mart, Best Buy, hospitals, etc, would pay far more in taxes than small Mom and Pop businesses.

That's it. The big boys, for once, pay more in taxes than the small businesses. We use that money to fund schools and to make other community improvements. Some of you might say, "That will kill business! The big corporations will just pack up and leave if you tax them like that." Bull shit, of course they won't. What they'll do in fact is to try to open more stores or hospitals or whatever in order to make up for the revenues that thay are now paying in taxes. And of course some of them would raise their prices to offset the tax increase on their business, some people will of course pay the increased prices but some will shop elsewhere at stores that choose to make a little less profit and to be a better community partner.

Of course I am under no illusion that my plan will ever be adopted in this state because like their counterparts in the US Congress, our legislators in Nashville are in the pockets of every coroporate lobbyist who ever put on a pair of loafers or high heels and walked the halls of power. They'll continue to put the wants and alleged needs of big business ahead of the citizens of this state for as long as we have this corrupt political and economic system.

And now, a message from Wal Mart

Greetings America! How are you? You're doing good we hope!

Listen, can we talk for a minute? Good. We understand some of you have been boycotting us and that some of you have stopped shopping here for whatever reason and we'd like you to come back and give us a try. We know quite a few of you are going to be getting some kind of tax refund or some kind of economic stimulus check from the government and we want you to spend that dough in our stores. In fact we demand that you spend all that money in our stores, if you don't we're going to tell the DHS, FBI, and the CIA that you are damn dirty terrorists and that you're going to use that money to fund the insurgency in Iraq and the Taliban.

Crap, we're sorry, we didn't mean to threaten you so soon America. We're sorry if we pissed you off. Look, tell ya what, since a lot of you have not been in one of our stores lately how about we show you some of our new merchandise? We're sure you're gonna love it! Always!

When you come into our stores now you'll be greeted by the Greet-tron 3000. It's programmed to say "Hello" in English and Spanish and to scan your wallet for cash.

We added a bunch of new, well, almost new, titles to our magazine section. And we kept some old copies of magazines in case you missed some back issues.

We've added a bunch of new paperback books to our line of reading material as well. Don't worry though America, we still only stock G rated romance novels, pro business non fiction, and all the Bible and Christian religion related books that you and your family love so much!What's that America? You say your kids still like that rock and roll music? Well, we've got you covered there! They can listen to all the New Kids on the Block, John Denver, and Amy Grant they like on the state of the art stereo electronics that we offer.Heck, we've even added a slew of VHS tapes for that new fangled VCR you probably got for Christmas. (Don't worry folks, as you can see we still stock the classics as well! Nothing beats a Jimmy Swaggert record America!)Ladies, we've also got a wide selection of housewares on sale now. Decorative lamps too!
We carry a line of furniture now as well. Doesn't that couch and those chairs look comfy? Sure they do, and America, they are priced to move!

All our bedding is allegedly deloused and certified to be possibly bed bug free! What about when you're out of bed and you've got a few minutes to kill between your two or three jobs? Well America, we've got a bunch of new sporting goods in stock and if you happen to hurt yourself playing during your free time we also sell medical equipment too!


Men, can we speak to just the ladies for a minute? Thanks. Ladies, we know we were kind of deficient in the past on the types of fashions we offered. We know some of you hated those old styles we sold but we heard your cries and your complaints and we pepped up our clothing line! Take a look! We've got designer blue jeans now!
Red jeans too!
And even green jeans. We've also got slacks in colorful prints and patterns.And sexy yet still chaste lingerie. Imagine the fun your husband will have taking one of these sexy yet Jesus approved nighties off you after you both get home from a Huckabee for President rally. We've also got a full line of intimates too!

We know how you gals love a hat so we've stocked up on fashionable hats. We carry a full line of poof ball hats and even red cowboy hats like the one that liberal blogger Vikkitikkitavi wears! Yes, you can now try to be as cool as she is.

Don't worry ladies we've also got the men in your life covered. We still sell a shitload of polo style shirts and NASCAR approved apparel.

And of course we did not forget the sex offender in your life, we've got them covered too with our fun and flashy line of rain coats.

So as you can tell America, we've upgraded our stores and our merchandise. We want you back and we're not kidding around. Remember that stuff we said about getting your fat asses tossed in jail if you don't spend more money with us? Well, we're not kidding around, we mean it. We've got cameras in your neighborhoods and we know who is and who isn't shopping in our stores. Don't make us do anything that you're going to regret. Trust us, none of you would look good in those prison orange jumpsuits and your fat lazy asses would not last a week in Gitmo, so if you know what's good for you and for this country, you'd better get in here and start shopping right away.

Wal Mart, Always!

MInd your own business

Human rights groups across the world have admonished Kenyan authorities for being too ruthless in trying to quell protests in the wake of the disputed Presidential election. They've specifically asked the Kenyan police to stop shooting unarmed protesters.

Kenyan police replied, "Come to Nairobi and say that shit, why don't you."

In other news four new Super Wal-Marts and three hundred new Starbucks opened in Kenya since the start of the rioting. The country should be safe for all corporations soon.

Broken

I had been saving my nickels, dimes, and pennies for months so that I could finally buy an iSplotchy of my very own.

The day finally arrived when I had enough cash and I ran to my local iSplotchy retailer and I plunked down my money.

I was giddy with happiness. My feet barely touched the ground as I ran home. But then I tripped as I crossed the threshold of el Casa de Monkey and my iSplotchy flew out of my hand, fell on the floor, and it shattered into a million pieces.

I took my now useless iSplotchy back to the store but I was told that there was no warranty on it. What a rip off. I'm begging you people out there not to believe the hype. The iSplotchy sucks, don't waste any of your hard earned money on it.

Showdown at the Cable Company

After months of bad internet service I had finally had enough. My internet was out most of the day Saturday and all day Sunday, so I took my list of the times my internet was out and I drove over to the local cable company office to ask for credit on my account.


The large woman in the little front office window told me that there was no way that I was going to get credit because I had not informed their help center of all those times my internet was out. I explained to her that I paid for 24/7 service and if my service was out then they were basically stealing my money. She told me, in essence, too fucking bad.

I demanded to see the office manager.


Twenty minutes later he came out to the front office and brought me back to talk. I asked him to look at my payment history so that he could see I paid my bill on time every month. Then I showed him my list of times that my service was out. I asked for a credit for everyday that was on that list. After a while, during which he never ever took any responsibility for his company's shittastic service, he finally agreed that he wold give me credit on my account but only if one of his minions could come out and check my connection. I agreed.


His minion arrived shortly after I got home. He switched out my modem and he checked all our cable connections inside the house. He informed me that part of the problem was that the cable in our condo was an older style cable and that probably was to blame for my "intermittent" service. He then told me that they could replace the cable with the newer upgraded version but only if I, wait for it, wait for it, IF I FUCKING PAID FOR IT! I laughed bitterly and did my best not to spit at him and then I said, "Yeah, that's never going to happen. You greedy people get enough of my money." He shrugged his shoulders and he left.


So now I'm supposed to be hap-hap-happy that my internet is fixed for now. But I know damn well that they'll be back out in a week or two and you know what? I'll keep them coming out until they actually admit it's their fault and they get it really fixed once and for all. And I'm not gonna hold my breath for that credit but if it's not on my statement next month, then I'm gonna go see that goon of an office manager again.


Now I've got to take a deep breath and try to calm down or my BP will be higher than the Bengals Browns score yesterday.