No sale

 Crazy, obsolete, and just plain crazy products from the 1968 Spencer's Gift Catalog.

 It's a Rolodex with pictures!
What's a Rolodex?
Shut up goddamnit.

 Holy shit, how powerful an acid was this stuff?  'Harmless to surrounding vegetation' my ass.

 It's an astoundingly stupid product.  "I won't get burned, I promise." 

 Get a more flattering figure by dressing up like the Michelin man!

 "What's a typewriter?"
Shut up goddamnit.

Mmmm, this omelet tastes extra chemical-ly.  

Disapproving girl

Disapproves of you and yours.

So, what have you been up to lately?

"I've been appearing in the fantasies of many an adolescent boy and more girls that you'd think."

"I've been saving up for that dream abortion I've coveted for so long now."

"I've become an income tax resister because I found out that my taxes were helping to feed and clothe blacks, Jews, and gays and Lord knows, I can't abide that."

"I've been busy trying to decipher the hieroglyphics on this freaky ass sweater I'm wearing."

"I've been busy dreaming of all the farm workers I'm going to 'accidentally' crush later this summer."

So I asked her, how do you like your men?

And she said:

Romance novels for pedophiles

Alternate title: Little Ginger Love.

It's time to...

The Gerwe's would like to make friends with people who like to attend drive in movies and who square dance.

Cornelia would like to meet rich single men and incapacitate them for fun, profit, and the occasional belly laugh.

Mr. Tyrrele would like to meet a special lady who shares his love of nature and drinking MD 20/20 that has been strained through his dirty underwear.

Grace wants to meet someone she can eat loads of poodle meat and deny evolution with.

Mr. deVeer Ranoch is interested in finding people who can give his Nigerian friends some money so that they can access a much larger fortune that is being tied up by banks in their home country.

Mrs. Henry Staedt would like to meet a football fans who will attend Packers games with her and who will help her pelt damn dirty hippies and socialists with small rocks and shards of glass.

Mrs. Sharp would love to meet someone who will help her remember where she left her bottle of Ranch dressing.

(All these names and addresses came out of the April 1957 edition of the Journal of Lifetime Living, which was a magazine for senior citizens.)