Here's this week's adorable elderly rankings:

 1) Una Stubbs

2) Julia McKenzie

 3) Margaret Atwood

Asshole of the month

That's Phil Mickelson.  You may remember him from when he used to be good at playing golf.  He was good enough to make a living at playing that silly game.  He was so good at it in fact that he made millions of dollars from doing it.  He won tournaments and got millions of dollars for doing so.  Then he racked up millions of dollars from commercial endorsements because he was good at playing a silly game that's a disaster for the environment.

You may also remember him from when he said he was going to move out of California because he didn't want to pay his share of taxes to keep that state running for everyone.  He wanted to keep his money and use it to fund his lavish life and to gamble with in Las Vegas.

Now that he's in the twilight of his career and he's headed for the senior's tour, he's become an even bigger cry baby.  He and the rest of the USA's Ryder Cup team sucked it big time in last weekend's competition, they got beat handily by the Europeans, and he's not about to take any blame for not playing his silly little game at the highest level.  Nope.  The loss isn't his fault he insists, even though he played badly.  The loss is the fault of his team's captain, Tom Watson.  Watson didn't manage the team like Mickelson wanted him to and that's why the USA got beat again in the silly competition for a silly cup.  Way go be Phil.  You're the face of modern conservationism at it's finest, you suck at something and then blame someone else and you don't want to pay your share of taxes even though you use far more natural resources than the poor people you and your country club buddies look down upon.

I've said it before on this blog and I'll probably say it again, Phil Mickelson is a rich white guy with a huge sense of entitlement and he's a giantic asshole.  Fuck him.  And fuck you too if you look up to his fat ass.

Horse + Hero

I discovered a great new shop in Asheville yesterday, it's called Horse + Hero.  It's a gallery full of art and prints made by local artists.

The owner was kind enough to let me take some photos.  I bought a small print of some people dancing, it's really retro cool.

 If you're in Asheville, they're at 14 Patton Ave.  When you go in, tell them Dr. Monkey sent you.

Don't get around much anymore

Frazers looked like they were one hell of a kick ass car.  Too bad they aren't around any more.

Southern fried pulp

A Rob Schneider approved anti vaccination comic

"Vaccines are for suckers Jimmy.  We only give them to the sheep like masses, you know the people who like to watch Mel Gibson movies and who watch MSNBC."

It's done

I did the interview with Dean from Boing Boing yesterday.  We talked abut all sorts of things, my blogs, my work scanning stuff, books, TV shows, my religion that I invented, and more.  I don't know when he's going to air it but it was lots of fun and he's a very gracious host.  Check their website for it.  I'll post the link when it hits.

And of course as soon as we got done and and we disconnected on Skype I thought of all sorts of other things I wanted to tell people about, like my love for outsider and folk art, my discovery of the hilarious drag performer Miss Coco Peru, and more.  But, be that as it nay, I'm still very grateful they spotlighted my blogs and gave me a chance to talk about them on their podcast.

'Black Girl': an appreciation

This African film from 1966 is a gem in more ways than one.  It's an oddly affecting existential film on the most basic of levels and it's a meta commentary on race relations, western imperialism, and African independence on it's other levels.

A white French couple in Dakar hires a young woman who desperately needs work.  She's hired to look after the children of the couple and she does such a good job at it that she's offered a job with the family when they move back to France. She leaps at the chance to go abroad, she thinks she'll get to see France and get to explore it's people and culture.  However once in France she becomes the family's housemaid.  She's expected to cook, clean, and do the laundry and she's kept as a virtual prisoner who can only go out to go to the grocery store.  She gazes out the windows longingly dreaming of seeing the real France.

Once she realizes what's going on, she slows down and becomes recalcitrant in her dealings with the mistress of the house, who treats her like she's a piece of shit or part of the furniture.  At one point after she calls the black girl lazy, she sneers that if she doesn't do the housework then she, the mistress, might have to become the house maid.

The girl gets a letter that the couple claims is from her mother.  In the letter her mother demands she send her wages home and that she thank her upstanding mistress for giving her a job and her cast off clothes.  The girl, already sick of being a slave and longing for home, knows straight off the letter is a fake and she rejects it outright.  She decides to fix things between her and the couple the only way she knows how, by taking her own life by slashing her throat in the couple's bathtub.

The film ends with the husband trying to make amends with the mother of the girl.  He goes to her and offers her the wages he tried to pay her daughter but the mother rebuffs him and he stalks out of the village.  He wears his impotence like an overcoat as he slinks away ashamed.  It's a series of pretty stunning scenes.

On a bigger level the film is about how shitty western countries treated African nations and African people.  The girl represents the whole of Africa, the colonial imperialist powers give her a meager job in her home country, nothing of real importance, it's just babysitting for them while they rape the land of it's resources.  Then they give her and her country their 'freedom' when it suits them but they force her to trade her freedom back to them when they dupe her into coming to France to work in an even more demeaning position.  And while in France she's taken advantage of both as an employee and as a woman, a house guest of the couple grabs her and kisses her and justifies his actions by saying it's okay, he always wanted to kiss a black girl.  Her working life isn't her own and neither is her body, even though she's technically free, white people still control her.

It's a very disturbing film but it's an essential one.  I had read about it her and there but nothing prepared me for the power it packs.  It's a really unassuming film that almost puts you off by it's simplicity but once you give yourself over to the story it really sucks you in and by the end, it's only a little more than fifty minutes long, you're surprised at how much you care and how affected you are by the story.  For a film made in 1966, this simple film is pretty complex and plenty disturbing.

Quick thoughts

• Every Secret Service employee who was on duty last week in the White House when those guys broke in by scaling the fence need to be fired.  They need to be fired and barred from working for the government for life.
• If you get beat on the playing field, like Cary Williams of the Philadelphia Eagles did this past Sunday, don't fucking blame your coach for making you practice too much.  Own up to the fact you got beat by a better player and admit that you need more practice so it doesn't happen again. 
• Happy first day of Fall.  Now, go pumpkin spice something.  

So long hottie

While I hated to see Sandhya get kicked off this week's Project Runway, I totally agreed with the decision.  The past few weeks she's been making crazy as shit clothes and arguing with the judges.  She's some hot sweet sweet brown sugar but she's got some crazy fashion ideas.

I'm all in on Kini making to the Fashion week.

Cooking with Dr. Monkey

Today's episode: firecracker chicken.

A Facebook friend posted this recipe and it looked good so I decided to try it.

I started by making the firecracker sauce first.  It consists of one third cup of hot sauce, I used Choulua chilli and garlic hot sauce, one tablespoon of water, two teaspoons of apple cider vinegar, one half teaspoon of salt, red chili flakes, and one cup of brown sugar.  I added a dash of Sriracha hot sauce to give it a little more bite.

Next I preheated my oven to 325 F.

Then I chopped one and a half full chicken breasts into bite sized chunks, which I then coated in corn starch and dipped in egg.

I then browned all my chicken pieces in my big ol' non stick frying pan.  After they were browned a bit I put them in a greased 13 x 9 Pyrex baking pan.

Once all the chicken pieces were brown enough and in my Pyrex pan, I poured the sauce over them and sloshed it around to make sure all the pieces got covered.  Then I popped the chicken in the oven for about 45 minutes.  As it cooked, I basted the pieces.

And that's what they looked like after 45 minutes in the oven.  I served the chicken over white rice and we had a side of fresh green beans with it.

The verdict: this is a damn fine chicken dish.  It starts sweet but ends up with a little spicy hot kick.  I'll definitely make this one again,  Although next time I'll add more salt, and ramp up the Sriracha to add even more heat.  The way it turned out this time the spicy heat took a back seat to the brown sugar, and I'd prefer it to be the other way around.  Use any hot sauces you like if you decide to try this one.  A word of warning though, this isn't a good dish for young kids, unless they have adventurous palates.

No, not the best

Two things about this Adrian Peterson situation continue to piss me off.

The first thing is, the people who are still defending him by saying that they got hit by their parents and they turned out just fine.  These people are defending a super strong grown man who took a small tree limb off a tree, took the leaves off it, stuffed them in his four year old son's mouth, and then whipped the boy until he raised bloody welts on the little boy's body.  Really?  People are going to defend that shit?  THERE IS NO WAY THAT SHIT IS NOT ABUSE.  And you defend him by saying that you got hit?  So the fuck what?  The fact that you got hit and turned out all right doesn't make what Peterson did right or excuse his brutality in any way.  It, in fact, proves that you were raised by abusive psychotic parents who had no business hitting children and it proves that you did not turn out fine because you still condone violence towards children.

I was hit as a child.  My mother used a belt to spank us with and it was wrong.  My aunt and uncle., John and Gerrie Iwaniszek, who I was sent to live with after my mother was killed on the operating table in 1972, hit me and my siblings.  They used belts, switches, their fists, they threw pots and pans at us, they hurled insults at us.  Most every Sunday my aunt would make pot roast with potatoes and carrots for Sunday lunch.  Even though the taste and texture of cooked carrots made me gag and vomit, she tried to force me to eat them in order to prove that she was in charge.  She'd threaten me with physical violence and she enlisted her children in her sick and twisted crusade to make me eat what made me sick.  They were encouraged to tell her if they saw me not eating carrots and boy, did they ever love to tell on me.  So for years I hated to see Sunday lunch come around knowing that I was going to have to endure all that anxiety and possible violence.  I fucking hated it.  And in their minds, even now after all those years later, they all still think they nothing wrong.  It was one big joke to them.  One of the last things my horrible aunt said to me before she died was she wanted me to come visit her and she said, "I promise, I won't make any carrot jokes."  Her supper table abuse never was a joke to me.  Having to endure violence, the threat of violence, and the anxiety that surrounded Sunday lunch was never a laughing matter to me, I literally feared for my safety.  And why did I have to go through that shit?  Because some twisted old bitch wanted to prove she was in charge of me and because she thought it was fine to hit, slap, and make me suffer through psychological abuse because she was in charge and she got hit when she was a kid and she 'turned out fine.'

Her husband and children were just as bad as she was.  Uncle John tried to punch me for smarting off to him and he nearly wrecked the car he was driving on the interstate in the late 1970's on a trip to Michigan because he wanted to beat my sister Sandy.  He had a hair trigger temper that he didn't have a problem turning on me and my siblings because we weren't really his kids and because he got hit by his parents and he 'turned out fine.'   When my cousin John Jr. found out I would sneeze uncontrollably after getting hit in the nose, he would knock me to the ground and punch my nose to make me sneeze and he'd laugh like crazy, sometimes, he'd just reach over when I least suspected it and punch me in my face to make me sneeze.  And if I dared complain to his parents, they'd tell me to stop being a tattle tale.  His brother Matthew was even worse.  He went around telling anyone who would listen that I was gay, in his mind I had to be gay because I liked to read, wore glasses, was shy around girls, and I didn't like to shoot or trap animals.  He'd hit and beat on me at school and he encouraged his friends to do the same.  He even shot at me once, he fired a .22 rifle at my head but thankfully it missed me and hit the trailer were living in at the time, and his father didn't yell at him for shooting at me, he yelled at him for shooting at the trailer.

That's the kind of shit I had to put up with from people who's parents hit them and who thought they turned out 'just fine.'  Fuck that shit.  No one turns out just fine after being on the receiving end of physical and mental abuse. And no, I'm not ever forgiving any of them for what they did to me and my late siblings, they can all rot in hell for all I care.

The other thing I hate about this Adrian Peterson situation is, the amount of people who say that their parents did the best they could even though they hit their kids.  No.  If your parents or guardians hit you, then they didn't do they best they could when raising you.  They betrayed you by hitting you.  They stole your innocence and forced violence on you.  They didn't do their best, they did a shitty job of raising you and they owe you an apology.

TV reports

I just finished this fine three part BBC series on the history of medicine.  It's illuminating, entertaining, and highly educating.  The first episode deals with the history of pain medications, the second on the history of fighting infections, and the third on the history of using poisons as medications.  It's eye opening to learn that it wasn't until the mid 1940's that we finally were able to have penicillin and other antibiotics manufactured and available on a large scale.  This series also reinforced my claim that it's science that will save us and not religions.  I saw this one on Acorn TV.

Finally after 10 years I get to see this gem from Britain.  At it's core it's a whodunit, but it's also a mini musical with several love stories thrown in, the biggest of which is how much the main character, played to perfection by David Morrissey, loves himself.  This one is on HuluPLUS.

 Starlings is exactly the kind of show I would never watch if it had been made and shown on American TV.  But since it's British, I know it's going to be well written and a limited series.  I liked it a lot despite the creepy characters played the the show's creators. And I admit it, I'm crushing on the lovely young brunette Rebecca Night.  Look for this one on HuluPLUS.

This is a very enjoyable police procedural about two female detectives in Manchester England.  The police part of the show is pretty taut and suspenseful and the parts about their personal lives also make this show very entertaining.  I highly recommend it.  This one is on HuluPLUS.

 Really terrific miniseries about the rise of a magazine for 'liberated' women in Australia in the early 1970's.  It's gripping at times and always highly watchable. Asher Keddie is a knock out in this one.  HuluPLUS is where I found this one.

And Asher Keddie is even more terrific in the second series of Offspring, which I'm watching now.  If you haven't see this show it's about a neurotic obstetrician played to perfection by the ultra sexy Keddie, and her fucked up extended family.  I can't recommend this one highly enough.  It's on HuluPLUS too.

This just in:

Recent studies confirm that the guy you know from Downton Abbey

is also in most every other British TV show made in the past 15 years.  Stay tuned to this blog for further details on this developing story.

Games people play

"No daddy, I don't ever want to play the Adrian Peterson game anymore.  It hurts."

Horrible asshole of the year

Yes, this bitch in Minnesota is wearing an Adrian Peterson jersey and she's brandishing a switch.  Yes, she's making fun of child abuse.  She thinks she's being funny.  

I'm sure she's outraged at Ray Rice but she's fine with a four year old kid getting whipped with a switch until he's got marks and bruises all over him.  Fuck her.

And fuck you too is you think it's okay to whip a four year old or any kid for that matter.  Domestic violence is perpetrated against children too.  And I should know.  The people who were supposed to be caring for and looking out for me whipped me with belts, their fists, pots and pans, and the lesson their children learned was it was okay for them to hit me and my siblings as well.  

Celebrities, even B grade ones, hate the internet

I got attacked by a B grade celebrity yesterday on Facebook.  I called her out on a 'joke' she made that equated all New York city postal employees with the terrorists in ISIS.  She didn't like being called out by someone who wasn't at least as famous as she was so she called me a fool and told me to fuck off.  She also tried to use the Joan Rivers "Oh calm down, it's just a joke!" defense and when I called her on that, she and her loyal minions really went off.

Before the internet she'd have gotten away with this kind of 'joke' and considered herself the height of wit, but today, since she posted that shit on Facebook, she's got to answer for making slurs against working people and she damn sure doesn't like it.  But I fucking love holding her and people like her responsible for their comments.

Mea Culpa

I was wrong.  Roger Godell does need to lose his job over this Ray Rice business.  Someone sent a tape of the incident to the NFL offices months ago.  It staggers the imagination to think Goodell didn't see it.  He's been clumsy and ham fisted during this whole situation.  No one outside of the mouth breathers who worship Rush the fat drug addict believes him.

He's got to go.

Likely ladies

 Girl most likely to be a MILF when she hits 45 years of age.

Girl most likely to teach Sunday school while going 'commando.'

 Girl most likely to break your windshield with a baseball bat if she finds out you cheated on her.

 Girl most likely to meet your gaze during an awkward moment at a swingers party.

 Girl most likely to be cheerful during a natural disaster.

 Girl most likely to own a kiln and two dozen cats.

Girl most likely to have a diabolical plan for world domination.

Girl most likely to give you a hand job while you both sit and enjoy the riparian view on a warm spring day but who will later regret said hand job when she marries a man who will become a Baptist minister.

No, Canada

A Canadian tumor in Toronto announced today that it has a Rob Ford growing out of it.

Canadian doctors promised to put the tumor out of it's misery ASAP.

It's time to check in with some of the folks who are perpetually outraged

"Damn you boy, I sense you're not outraged enough over this Ray Rice thing.  I demand that you call for his lifetime ban from ever working anywhere again and that you call for him to be horsewhipped every time he shows his face in public for the rest of his life!"

 "Come bird friend, let me feed you more so that you can go shit upon all those illegal Mexicans who are streaming in to the USA to steal those fruit picking jobs from good God fearing Americans."

"Stop whining and go get your mother's urine sample you welfare brat.  I don't care if you people are the least likely to be able to afford drugs or not, I just want to make you squirm before you get your pittance."

 "Let's go beat the shit out of the people who don't want to let us parade around with our guns.  We got to do it now before they wise up and buy guns to protect themselves from us."

"You better not become dependent on my generosity you old piece of shit.  Had you taken better care of your resources when you were younger you wouldn't be in this position today grandpa."

Yes and no: Ray Rice edition

Yes, Ray Rice did an awful thing and he should be suspended for the year.
No, he should not be banned for life from the NFL.

Yes, Stephen A. Smith is right when he says that if the NFL will have Michael Vick back then it should take Rice back after his suspension.
No, Smith did not equate women with dogs when he said that if Vick can come back then so should Price.  What he did was compare two awful things two black males did.

Yes, the NFL didn't get this disaster right when it only gave Rice a two game suspension.  But they subsequently did make the necessary changes that will make sure they get it right from now on.
No, there does not need to be mass firings at the NFL head office over this.  But there does need to some over the way they're ducking the concussion disaster.

Yes, these are my opinions.
No, I don't care if you agree with me or not.
No, at no time am I asking and nor will I ask that you adopt my opinions as your own.
And also, I don't give a shit if you stop reading this blog because my opinion clashes with yours.

Apogee

 1972 was pretty much the apogee of the granny dress and floor length skirt fashion crazes.

Outdoor art from around town