A Visit to the Hospital

Young Rex had found out that his father was having an affair with his secretary, the check out girl at the grocery store, and the one eyed shop teacher at the local high school. Since young Rex loved his mommy very very much he decided to spill the news to her.
"Mommy, daddy is shagging everything in sight. If I was you I'd get some work done and charge it to his credit cards and then I'd dump his ass and get with a real man who will love and adore you forever."

His mommy asked, "What kind of work do you mean Rex? Have our driveway patched? Our roof replaced?"

"Mom," Rex said, "Have you looked in the mirror lately? You're still pretty but you've got to take it up a notch. If I was you, I'd get a tummy tuck, a boob job, and maybe a tattoo on your lower back of Red Sonja and Vampirella making out while riding dolphins into battle."
"Let me think about it Rex. In the mean time, you go to sleep and have pleasant dreams."

The next day Rex's mommy hired a private detective and he got all the dirt on Rex's daddy pretty quickly. So she decided to take her son's advice and get that plastic surgery done.
Rex told her doctor, "Listen up doc, give my mom a nice big juicy rack, a flat tummy, and...oh the heck with it, just make her irresistible to all rich straight men everywhere. And be quick about it too."
The doctor agreed and to seal the deal he and Rex sang some opera and then they spit into each others mouths. Then the nice doctor showed Rex to a room where he could stay while his mommy was getting operated on.
A local priest came by to play some games with Rex to keep him from being scared. But Rex did not like the priest so he told him that he was a Mormon Scientologist and that frightened the priest and he ran away.
Rex got curious about how his mommy's operation was going so he called down and asked if he could watch while they worked on her. They sent a nice intern named Dr. Feelgood to escort Rex to the operating room. However, the sight of his mommy being cut open made little Rex swoon and faint. After they revived him they sent him back to the waiting room.
Rex was jumpy and nervous about his mommy's operation so a nice nurse brought him some rum and Cokes with Ben and Jerry's Thorazine Dream ice cream on the side. But after three drinks and two dishes of ice cream Rex was still restless. So they resorted to drastic measures.
Rex was forced to inhale fumes collected from the backsides of Rush Limbaugh and Michelle Malkin. The odor quickly knocked him out and he slept for about four weeks straight.
When he finally woke up Rex was so excited to see what his mommy looked like that he hurriedly got dressed and packed his little suitcase. He said goodbye to the nurses, the orderlies, and to the doctor who had spit in his mouth. They were all his friends now and the doctor said, "Goodbye Mr. Rex! I hope you like your new mommy. Hey, there she is now, right behind you!" When Rex turned around and saw what his mommy looked like
he said to himself, "Oedipus Rex, you are one lucky bastard!"

And they lived squeamishly ever after.

The end.