The Grumpy Monkey Speaks

I used to call these posts Pop-servations but since I usually do nothing but bitch during them I'll call them The Grumpy Monkey Speaks from now on. You ready for this week's grumpy observations about the world and pop culture? Sure you are, so here we go!

I stole the above image from Lemmy Caution at Alphaville. It pretty much sums up my feelings about religion. Oh, yeah, and in case you ever wondered, science is, in fact, real but intelligent design and creationism aren't. And the reason we know that is because things proven by science can be proven again and again by people all over the world, while religion, intelligent design, and creationism are open to debate and interpretation. So suck it Kirk Cameron and Ben Stein.

And you know what else is true in addition to science? The fact that the universe is a more wondrous place if you're an atheist. Since we don't rely on the ancient unprovable assumption that some god created every thing, that fact that we've got such a wide variety of stuff to look at and investigate is incredible. The fact that people of faith chalk it all up to god and are happy to not investigate stuff is to me an abomination and an abrogation of intellect.


I know I can't be the only one who wants to knock Ken Burns to the ground so that I can shave that wipsy beard and cheesy mustache off his smarmy face. And I know I'm not the only one who falls asleep after the fortieth close up of a sepia toned picture that's backed with overly earnest narration and quasi classical/bluegrass music. Yo, Kenny boy, have you ever heard of editing? Your little show on the National Parks would have made a great three hour program, so why did you feel the need to stretch it out over five nights?

Hey conservatives and Republicans, nice going cheering us losing the Olympics. Getting them would have meant a shitload of jobs and money being pumped into the USA. You've become so accustomed to getting your selfish way that anything that benefits the greater good is automatically bad if President Obama is for it. Here's a newsflash for you folks, he's also for less murders and kids getting nutritious meals, so I guess that means you want more murders and kids to suffer and eat crap. Stay classy you right wingers!

Speaking of selfish asswipes, Hollywood greaseball John Travolta finally admitted his late son was autistic. Too bad he let his 'religion' keep him from admitting that when the kid was alive. Maybe if Travolta had spoken up back then there'd have been a bigger push to help find a cure for autism. But we'll never know that because he let his sci fi 'religion' keep him from speaking out. Hail Xenu Johnny! You'll always have Scientology to give your fortune to when you finally pass away because heaven knows your late son won't be getting a dime of that money.

If one more female tells me they want Logan to win the current series of Project Runway because "He's hot!", I swear, I'm going to explode. Ladies, if hotness was the only criteria for winning that show, then her supreme hotness Chloe Dao would be named the winner of all the Project Runways from now until the end of time.
But it takes more than hotness, it takes talent and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you all this, but Logan is not the most talented designer in that group that's left. In fact, he's pretty weak and he'll be bounced in the next few weeks.

And while I'm on the subject of reality shows I actually watch, why is Top Chef in reruns? Did they think we wanted a second helping of that chuck wagon challenge episode that starred that all hat and no cattle glorified barbecue cook from Texas and the one with Penn and Teller? Holy Jeebus, I could have done without either one of them the first time around, let alone a second time.

Now I'm going to breathe deeply and revel in the fact that Jeremy Piven hasn't done anything of note to piss me off lately. And I'm going to be grateful for the fact that not all my Facebook friends put up lyrics from oldies and classic rock songs as their status updates all the freakin' time.