I'm all about "mainstreaming" handicapped people into society and the workforce but dude, you really creeped me out today.
I'm totally cool with you needing to use my shoulder to steady yourself from time to time as you move around my enormous head to cut all my hair evenly, but what I am not cool with is you pushing your crotch into my shoulder as you cut my hair. It really was disconcerting to have you shove your package into my shoulder and breath heavily as you cut my hair. I felt like you should have been paying me for letting you dry hump my shoulder.
But you know what old man? As creeped out as I was that you pleasured yourself on my shoulders as you cut my hair, I was still going to tip you. But then you had to open that fat yap of yours and that tip went the way of the Dodo bird, the street car, the truthful Republican, that's right old man, your tip vanished into the dustbin of history when you started making your comments about Obama. I know you thought you were among your racist friends, but in my case you were dead wrong. I know most old farts like you are buying the shit that Bush McCain is selling, but this old fart doesn't. I left the last guy because he loved to listen to FOX News radio while he cut hair. I came back to your shop because no one talked about politics last time and the other guy who cut my hair did a good job. But I won't be back to your shop anymore you old horn dog.
You may be afraid of Osama, Obama, and Yo Momma, but I'm not. I'm voting for the guy. And you know what else old man, I'm gonna give the money I was going to tip you to the Obama campaign. It's only two bucks but I'll be damned if I give any money to a one legged, penis pushing, dry humping old racist Republican. Maybe my two bucks will help pay the salary of some young organizer who is out there registering more black, or Latino, or female voters.
Sincerely yours,
Dr. Monkey
19 comments:
You vote with your dollars my friend. Way to go!!!
I swear, I'm getting really, really sick of the racist shit I'm hearing at work.
Sorry - just needed to vent somewhere.
You did the right thing. Fuckwads like that, who naturally assume because you're white that you share their views,don't deserve your bidness.
Ew. Eeeewwww!
I just ate, too.
Some guys actually pay extra for a rub up when they are getting a haircut, but I believe they generally have a female haircutter.
you get all the good luck. Dry humps and I sit at home and waste my sperm on the carpet!
Please go back when Obama is in office and quip
"America, love it or leave it, dry-humper dude"
Uhh...yuck! Did you send him that letter, because THAT would be a hoot?
And what is it with barber shops and Faux News? I'd have thought ESPN would be a more obvious choice even though I'm more of a spectator than a fan. Maybe it's just is happening to those of us in the South, but I have a feeling it isn't.
*sigh*
(OT, if you can find it, and haven't already seen it, check out "The Hired Hand". Haven't seen it in years so planning to stop in "Hopebuster" to see if they have it, but as my euphemism implies...low expectations.)
Gees, Monkey--I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. I'm with Jess--go back there when Obama gets sworn in and ask him and his KKK pals when they're moving out of the country. Assholes.
That episode sounds so crazy I could almost believe that you made it all up! The dry humper obviously thought he'd 'bonded' with you in some way. Bet you'll have nightmares about it for years.
I hope he doesn’t do kids in his little shop of horrors?
Damn that was a good post Monk. Reminds me of the time my wife & I were dating and took a cab somewhere. The driver had to dig in his wallet for bills to give us change and was having trouble: "Man, the money won't come out, you'd think I was Jewish!"
My wife's response: "Like me?" That shut him the f*** up pretty quick.
I'm always fascinated by people who make racist jokes, or go all religious or Republican or homophobic on me, thinking I'm one of THEM. It's amazing to me that people assume others are with THEM.
it just still amazes me in 2008 that people will say things like that to virtual strangers!
how sad.
haw stupid!
So you going to get your hair cut is kind of like me going to Nebraska, minus the package pleasuring. I guess I should be thankful for that.
You probably could have forecasted his Republicanism from his seemingly covert sexual behaviors. He may have thought you had a wide stance.
I like the place I go to get my hair cut. All we talk about is sex, drugs and rock and roll. Plus, everyone keeps their crotches to themselves.
This one time, in Jr. High, my shop teacher pulled a huge stretch to put his foot on my shop stool, right in my bunghole. Granted, he did that to all the boys.
(shiver)
If you're ever in the Cincinnati area, I've got 2 thumbs up for Tycoon Harry's in Mariemont: $25 for a shampoo, head massage, hot towel, cut, and style. And it's a men's salon.
Delicious.
eeeww
Because I am currently reading Confederates in the Attic, the racist attitude doesn't surprise me at all. Sorry that you didn't call him on his comments right to his face.
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