Thursday, June 30, 2016

It's time for more science experiments for conservatives!

Empty out a jar filled with smallpox and Ebola in a room full of liberals, then measure how many of them get sick and or die.  Remind the ones who are dying that their savior, Charles Darwin, said that only the strong survive.

Slip some cocaine or meth in to your liberal college professors tea or coffee.  Chart how long it takes them to become a drug fiend and then anonymously turn them in for using drugs on campus.  If they get fired loudly complain about all the money your state run college is wasting on hiring 'qualified' candidates and insist that your school hire someone who has been home schooled by a band of climate change denying evangelical Baptist trailer park dwellers from the Ozarks.  

Flash Morse Code messages at known homosexuals.  If any of them respond, 'out' them in all your social media networks, especially if you live in a state where there is no equal protection for gay people.  Then measure the levels of ruckus the fired sodomites raise.  Then remind them they're going to hell but it's totally cool if they blow you as long as your wife and parents don't find out.

Listen to your parents when they have sex.  If they sound like they're doing anything other than missionary position in order to procreate, make a note of it.  Then take those notes to your local Better Baptist Bureau or to your nearest Opus Dei office and let them know your parents are deviants who deserve to be publicly shamed.  Then measure how quickly they disown you or write you out of their will.

Get as many liberals as you can hooked on the marijuana, buy it from some black jazz musicians if you have to.  Then chart all the food they eat when they get the munchies.  Give them sugary treats and see how quickly they develop diabetes. 

Eat as many hardboiled eggs as you can stand.  Then when the egg farts hit, go to a Greenpeace orgy or a Planned Parenthood clinic and see how many people you can make vomit with the stench of your egg farts.

Poop in as many neighborhood gardens as you can and then blame it on Al Gore and his band of global warming sissies.  Remind anyone who calls you a liar that only white Christian Jesus can judge you and that anyone can steal your DNA and plant it in places to discredit you, after all Satan planted all those fossils to trick people into believing in evolution.

Remember conservative warriors, we need to take science back from the egghead liberal elites and put it to work for big business and for Jesus!

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