Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Heritage Institute Approved Science Experiments for Kids

Hello children, I'm Curtis LeMay Wallace, chief scientist here at the Heritage Institute.  Unlike liberals, we know how to science properly and for the benefit of all freedom loving Jesus approved people in the world.  Science is your friend, so is capitalism, so why should the two not be friends too?  To say they aren't is a liberal lie.  Now, go put on your white lab coats, grab your microscope, and let's get science right!

Drop some seeds in to some dirt you scooped up at an EPA Superfund site.  Document how the seeds don't grow, tell your liberal friends (if you have any!) that the EPA is a failure at it's job, then write your Congressman and tell him that he needs to vote to defund the EPA in next year's budget.

Follow your gay liberal friends into the woods where they have their godless Communist Satanic fueled sexual assignations.  Then document what happens when the film you take of them engaging in homosensual sex goes viral.  Share your findings with Dinesh D'Souza, Glenn Beck, and David Barton.

Inject domesticated human friendly pets with rabies, distemper, and other diseases, then release them in neighborhoods where illegal immigrants live.  Then call the immigration police and get them all deported.  Document what happens when these people who are bleeding our country dry go back home full of good ol' American disease.

Show this picture to evolutionists, atheists, and global warming junkies.  Demand they prove that this type of thing didn't happen.  Then remind them that since they weren't around back then, they can't ever know if Jesus rode a dinosaur to a 7-11 for a Slurpee or not.  

Help disprove 'survival of the fittest' by being a wimpy but rich white guy who steals pretty girls away from whiny liberals.  And don't exercise.  

Remember kids, if we don't use science to further our political agenda and to shine God's love into this dark sick twisted world, liberals will.  And they'll rape us with their phallic objects.  So spare a rape and do some conservative science!  

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