"Ben Carson, I'm into black dudes."
"Jeb Bush because I'll get to use the phrase 'I like the cut of his Jeb' a lot. Get it?"
"I'm a Lindsey Graham gal. A closeted gay dude in the White House is better than no gay dude in the White House."
"I'm a chubby chaser, so I like Chris Christie."
"Marco Rubio is going to take away reproductive choice, even from my husband, so he's got my vote."
"Which one is going to give us all the guns Obama took from us back? That's who I'm supporting. Also, I need a sammich."
"I gave Trump a handjob in a crowed Denny's one night, so I'm supporting Rand Paul."
"I'm writing in George Wallace."