The child shrieked and chirped at me before she finally spat out her announcement. "She's knocked up again. She's having another bastard!"
"No, the child is wrong! Bristol Palin is the role model for abstinence only birth control. She was paid over $250,000 last year to literally be the poster girl for abstinence! You deserve more than my slaps for lying!"
"It's true. She is having another out of wedlock baby. It's already pregnant and has been signed to do a show on Fox News."
"We travel across a sea of tears only to moor out boat on the shores of discontent. Perhaps our lord Jesus Christ impregnated her, he works in mysterious ways."
"Modern life is crushing me. I feel only pain and numbing sadness. My womb is full of emptiness for yet another bastard will be born to the Palins."
"Come, let us pop the balloon of hypocrisy and eat the pasta of schadenfreude."
"Our lovemaking disgusts me. It offends our party cadres. But we cannot stop."
"Leave it. We must go to Rome to buy an unsuitable baby shower gift for the monster she carries in her belly. Also, everything I say is a metaphor or a symbol for something else."