Fill a metal bowl with battery acid and water, tell your liberal friends (if you have any hahahahaha!) to stick a hose in the mixture and suck it in. As they lay dying and gasping for air, measure how many times the little atheist bastards who used to deny the existence of god call out for his holy saving grace and mercy.
Get two strips of paper. Blow on them and make them rattle while some fancy book learnin' loving liberal is trying to study the fiction known as 'global warming.' Count the number of times they tell you to stop and then shriek at them that they're expelling carbon dioxide and carbon is bad for the atmosphere.
Put instant coffee in a big bowl. Get some Starbucks cups and fill them with the instant coffee. Sell them to gullible liberals and then give that money to a millionaire so they can create more jobs with it. Then sit back and watch the economy grow.
Roll up a newspaper or magazine. Then use it to spy on a woman undressing. Measure how long it takes you to get a boner. When you get a boner, show it to your friends who are gay (if you have any hahahahaha!) and tell them that you got your boner the way God intended, by looking at boobs and vaginas.
If some of your gay friends still insist that they were 'born that way,' shove them in a closet, lock them in, and tell them you're going to pray their gay and they can't come out until they promise to stop thinking about achingly hard erect penises and taut slightly moist male rectums. Then measure how long it takes for God to change their sinful ways and to bring them back to hetero-normalcy.
Get a piece of steel wool, hold it over a candle until it's super hot and glowing, then shove it on the face of an uninsured person and scream at them, "Where's your precious Obamacare now you little socialist bastard?" Then run away and claim that it was a suspicious black male and not you who injured that uninsured person.
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