Here's our first contestant Midge Gompers. Midge, the TV show Blackish, is it racist or not racist?
"It's racist because there isn't a TV show called White-ish."
Nope, you're wrong. It's not racist and your logic is appalling.
Our next contestant is Sally Doololly. Sally, is it racist not to have a 'white history' month seeing as how we have a 'black history' month?
"Yes, it's racist."
Wrong. Now pack your bags and go clean some toilets in poor neighborhoods in the Bronx and Harlem.
Next up is Gunilla Solipsism. Gunilla, affirmative action, racist or not racist?
"Not racist. It's a measure put in place to combat years of institutionalized racism."
Next, we have Edith Headcheese. Edith, the name of the NFL team in Washington DC, racist or not racist?
"Racist, although if you like that team that doesn't mean you're racist."
Amy Yobb, you're up next! Amy, pointing out racism and white privilege, racist or not racist?
"Racist. Why can't we just be quiet about all that stuff and use that time and energy to pray to Jesus to come back and snatch us all to his hairy bosom? And you know what else? Let's just give the police the benefit of the doubt. You don't know what it's like out there for them what with all those criminals and black fellas and gay Muslim terrorists. Just be quiet and obey the law until Jesus comes and takes my hymen...wait, did I just say that part about my hymen out loud?"
You're wrong. So very wrong.
Our final contestant is Paula Simmons. Paula...
"Hang on, is this the part where I say something off topic like 'I like pie' or some other inane bullshit 'joke'? Because if it is then you can go fuck yourself. I have opinions too, I'm a smart well informed woman, I'm not some mouthpiece for your lame ass attempts at humor."
And Paula is disqualified by reason of insanity and obviously has no sense of humor. And she probably doesn't like pie.