"Why do you not work and contribute to our country that is most exceptional?"
"Sir, I do not work because I am reliant on the handouts I get from big government. Now leave me alone and go make your millions of dollars so that big government can tax you to pay for my bone idleness."
The tale of what happens after marriage equality:
"Come you old crone, give me that pussy cat so that I may marry it and fornicate upon it."
"No you cruel varlet, my cat is my pet, I shall keep it."
"You old bitch, you just committed a hate crime! I'm calling the Department of Justice on you!"
The tale of how Ebola is spread:
"I, President Obama's real Kenyan father, cooked up Ebola in a lab in Africa in order to bring down the country Jesus freedom loving people the world over love. I must now go to Mexico and give vials of this dread disease to my army of gay Muslim Mexican fascist Communist atheist Catholics so that they may enter the USA illegally and put this noxious poison in candy, sports drinks, and hamburgers across the land!"
The tale of the return of the fairness doctrine:
'Twas a dark day indeed when President for Life Hillary Obama Biden FDR Martin Luther King Jr McClinton brought back the fairness doctrine in all media. With one stroke of her cloven hoofed claw, she silenced Rush, Glenn, Dr. Laura, and all right wing hate talk radio and TV. She replaced it with Hopi Indian chants, whale songs, the music of Jackson Browne, and the speeches of Rachel Maddow. Now the people have no one to tell them how bad socialism, race mixing, and homosexual sex is.