Friday, August 8, 2014

Let's visit Nigeria!

While the Ebola outbreak is scaring people away from visiting western Africa, let me take you on a trip to one of western Africa's biggest best countries, Nigeria!

Nigeria is located off the Gulf of Guinea and it shares a border with Cameroon.  It's in a tropical part of the African continent which means it's hotter than hell most of the year 'round and it's full of scary black people.

Many Nigerians love to cool off by swimming in one of the many lakes and rivers that run through their country. They love to cool off this way because it's damn near impossible to install central air in a mud hut.                                                                    

Nigeria is full of people who belong to many different tribes, some even belong to a tribe called Quest.  Many tribes in Nigeria dress in distinctive clothing that they steal from Christian missionaries. 

Women in Nigeria dress more sensibly than the men do.  They often wear nothing more than a bed sheet wrapped around their body and they carry their laundry on their heads where ever they go, they do this to keep people from stealing their dirty clothes, which are prized by Europeans who visit Africa.  

As you can probably tell by the photos Nigeria is still a poor country.  It hasn't been colorized yet and most of the country is still in black in white, although today, the politically correct term is 'greyscale.'  But no matter how poor the country is there is still a vibrant market economy, that's Nigeria's biggest shopping mall pictured above. 

The USA and other western countries have stepped in to help Nigeria move into the 21st century and towards a capitalist economy.  US corporations are busy teaching Nigerians how to plunder their natural resources so they when theirs runs dry, they can invade and take what's left in Cameroon.  

But what about Nigerian children?  Are they being looked after in today's Nigeria?  You bet they are! 

When not in schools run by exasperated missionaries, Nigerian children love playing soccer and games like 'Jump the corpses of those who lost the last coup d'etat attempt.'  Other pastimes include, stowing away on international airline flights, leering at white women, and  breaking in to the homes of oil company executives.

Many Nigerians will tell you they dream of living in a clean, spacious, disease free country one day and to do that they'll have to leave their home land, but others will tell you that their dream is to stay in Nigeria, avoid getting Ebola, and to take over the stately homes of their white oppressors.  Here's hoping that with a bit of sweat, a lot of pluck and a smidgen of luck, they'll succeed!

Thanks for visiting Nigeria!

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