"It's in my lap."
"It's on my head."
"Go away, stop bothering me. I'm waiting for my period."
"The patriarchy took it."
"I'm wearing my brother's hat because mine is at the cleaners."
"I have a tennis ball stuck in my taint. I think I'm in the wrong post."
"I'm took cute for words and so is my hat."
"Help me. My hat has achieved consciousnesses and it's slowly taking me over."
"Where's my hat? Fuck you. Where is your hat Mr. Smartass? Don't be coming at me with questions about my hat when your head is uncovered you fucking monkey. Seriously fuck off and go write a funnier post."