Favorite sons

It's a magical and wondrous thing to be a white Christian male in this day and age.  Nothing you do is ever your fault, you own most everything, and even though the rest of the country just voted the scary black man to another term as president, you still control all the key industries and businesses.

Sure, your poster boy Romney, who really wasn't a Christian anyway but since he had money and was white you let him in your club, took a drubbing but it wasn't his message the people resoundingly rejected, it was him.  Because the message is pure and wholesome and god given, right?  Hell Jesus LOVED him some capitalism.  It's all there in bible, just ignore all the shit about rich guys and camels and eyes of needles, and all that stuff about helping your fellow man, and forgiving and loving your neighbor. 

Keep your chins up white Christian guys, you've still got this guy on the sidelines praying for you:

And guess what?  He's trademarked that pose and the name it's come to be known by, and if that isn't a good sign then nothing is.  He's bringing disaster capitalism to your religion.  You've got to love that shit right?  And don't think twice about why he's not getting more playing time, it's not his fault, it's the fault of all those black guys who are so much better athletes than he is.

Also, Christan white guys, need I remind you that we're still at war in Afghanistan for you?  We're keeping the savage Muslims at bay so you guys can continue raping the world of it's resources.  And the guy responsible for us 'winning' the war, sure he's in a spot of bother now but his affair isn't his fault, that women who he fucked repeatedly who wasn't his wife?  She totally made him do it.  He wasn't going to fool around on his wife but she threw herself at him, just like that woman who fucked Jack Welch, former CEO of GE did.  Those white Christian men didn't want to ignore their marriage vows and cheat, those sluts who were all hopped up on birth control pills and fancy girly cocktails made them.

Seriously, nothing is ever your fault.  Jesus didn't put those roadblocks in your way, it was those dirty minorities, immigrants, slutty women who were just asking to be raped, those sexy underage kids who led you on, the gays who just had to suck on that dick of yours, those brainiac Asians who buckled down and studied harder than you did who got that promotion you had coming, it was all their fault.  You guys are pure and blameless in everything.  It was Obama and those lazy Occupy Wall Street freaks who ruined it all, not you and your endless rapacious greed and your need to control everyone.

Yeah, rest easy angry white Christian guys, it wasn't your fault, it never is. And trust me, I should know because I used to be one of you.