Saturday, February 4, 2012

Shit southerners never say

  • "I'm not entirely sure how to properly do this task that I need to get done, if only someone from the Midwest or New York city could come down here and tell me how to do it. Repeatedly."
  • "Paula Deen is a totally accurate representation of people all over the south."
  • "The toothbrush was invented here in the south because if it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called a 'teethbrush'."
  • "No, I wouldn't care for any more banana pudding."
  • "I find Gunter Grass novels a bit too wordy and symbolic for my taste."
  • "I wish it snowed more and stayed cold longer here."
  • "The stereotypes about people and life here in the south are totally true. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go out to the couch that's on top of the car in my yard and screw my sister before I go down to the banjo jamboree for unemployed Baptist ministers."


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

1) Come on now! Are you saying Deliverance wasn't a documentary?

2) I blame Mrs. Miller.

p.s. I arrived here via zencomix.

Lisa Golden said...

This is hilarious even to this transplanted Midwesterner.

jadedj said...

Sheeeeeeit, nailed 'em!

Suzy said...

I'll bet southerners don't say "Uff da, the lefse burned" very often either. And I would make a shoveling snow joke, except I suspect you've gotten more snow this winter than we have in Wisconsin.

e.f. bartlam said...

The first one is not only hilarious but really is the key to understanding the entire prickly history of two different peoples being forced into the same political space.

Love it.

Kim Hambric said...

They actually do wish it would snow more.

kelsi said...

Well, I was considering doing a tour of the south to tell people how to do things. Are you saying I shouldn't?

gmb said...

You had me at teethbrush.