Monday, February 27, 2012

Generic Oscar wrap up

Since I didn't watch a second of the Oscars this year I'll have to give you a generic wrap up. Ready? I sure hope so!

  • Holy shit those production numbers sucked ass. What were they thinking?
  • The choice of host was insane. How dare they try to a) skew younger, b) try to placate their older nearly comatose audience, c) fuck with Oscar tradition like that.
  • That actress who wore that dress looked like a) a disgusting whore, b) a fashion train wreck, c) a vision of loveliness.
  • For fuck sake will that Oscar winner never shut up?
  • God damn it, he or she will never win another Oscar, how dare the Academy cut off their acceptance speech like that.
  • John Travolta looks like hell. He needs to pray to Xenu for a new body.
  • The actor/actress who I wanted to win didn't. Damn, now I feel empty inside. The rest of my days on this earth will be soul crushing and bring me naught but numbing pain. Until next year that is.
  • What the fuck is she/he doing there? I shit out more talent in the morning than they have in their entire body of work.
  • A film about the Holocaust won/didn't win an Oscar? God damn anti Semites/Jews who control the media, how dare they do this to us?
  • Meryl Streep is how old? Shit, who cares, I'd still bang her given half a chance.
  • The telecast is longer than the list of excuses Republican evangelicals give for fucking over the poor and pissing on blacks, gays, and women.
  • There wasn't enough cleavage on the show.
  • The red carpet show sucked balls, Gwyneth Paltrow's sweaty lady balls.
  • They left out my favorite dead film person in this year's montage of the dead. God damn them. I shake my fist at them for doing that shit.
  • ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...what? It's over already? It's only 1:30 AM, it can't be over! Bastards. I'm never watching this shit show again. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

7 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Yup. That pretty much covers every year. Well done.

Mnmom said...

Nailed it!

Professor Chaos said...

Perfect. You could reprint that every year for ever.

Jim said...

What are the Oscars?

dguzman said...

It's like you watched every second of it.

Who you callin' housewife? said...

I didn't know it was on until it was over and the facebook people were blabbing about it.

I'm assuming Billy Crystal was there?!? He looks too much like my grandma did right before she died. I can't look at him.

I'm assuming all involved looked like disgusting whores.

Was there an award for dolly grips or catering this year?

gmb said...

What Professor Chaos said. As I get older, the concept of any awards show seems nutty. With all this reality tv bullshit going on, maybe they should televize various industry awards shows, like accountant of the year!