Tuesday, December 6, 2011

It's time for a David 'Wallbuilders' Barton 'history' lesson!

Back in the early days of America, while we were still a colony of England, homosexuality was rampant. The English were sending over boatloads of queers to bugger the godly and Jesus loving American colonists. But some of the brave Americans fought back by pouring hot lube on the British Nancy boys:

One of the brave American colonists, Roger Buggery, prayed many days to Jesus for a solution to this problem. And after 40 days of prayer filled days and masturbation-less filled nights, Jesus told him what to do.
Jesus told him to leave his good lady-wife and to hightail it to a shipyard. So he bid his good lady-wife adieu and told his Negro slave Mandingo Biggun to keep his wife well looked after in his absence.

With his wife in the good hands of his trusty God given slave, Roger went to the shipyard.
While there he made a giant wooden phallus that he was going to use to ram the buttocks of the King of England with so that the king would feel what it was like to be anally abused, which is what all those British gays were doing to the godly Americans. Jesus had told Roger that in this one instance it would be okay to violate the king with gay sex because it would teach him that it was bad, and that would make him stop sending all those child molesting raping hard bodied gays to our shores.

After 40 days of work and 40 nights of his wife being looked after by his upright slave, Roger Buggery finished the giant wooden dildo and he set off for the old world to rape the King of England with it. Once word got out that Roger was on his way, they did everything they could to stop him. They attacked his ship:

They put on wigs and swore oaths against him:
They smoked pot and took LSD in order to expand their minds so they could come up with better ways to stop Buggery. They scoured the internet and consulted astrologers to find ways to stop the king from being 'Rogered,' and yes, this is where that expression comes from, that's a fact, it's in the Bible.

But nothing worked because you can't stop a manly man whose giant wooden phallus is filled with Jesus spirit. God led Roger to the King's palace bedroom where he eased the giant dork of divine justice into the King's booty hole. As the phallus violated the King, the King's heart melted and he ordered the transport of the gays to the USA stopped. Once they had finished their business with the wooden penis, the King signed a treaty with Roger that said that the Americans were indeed the chosen people, not the Jews as had been previously reported in the liberal Jewish controlled media, and that the gays would go to Australia instead of America.
There was much rejoicing when the news got out. Roger went home after months away and there he found that God had performed a miracle. Roger's wife had become great with child while Roger was away on the Lord's business. Her swollen belly was proof that God blesses those who do his work.

So the lesson in this lesson is that if we do the work of Jesus, just as Buggery did, then the Lord will bless us. The other lesson is to not listen to the liberal media or academia because they'd never tell you about this bit of forgotten history. And finally, the last lesson is, all the gays need to be deported to Australia.

Praise Jesus!

1 comment:

Lisa said...

I see my school failed me by not teaching this. No wonder I turned out so badly.