Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Say 'Good night!' Mike...a Canadian election wrap up

The Tories won big in last night's election in Canada. They'll form a majority government under the leadership of sleazy smug dickbag Stephen Harper, the man who makes George W. Bush seem almost human. Harper, seen here resting on his laurels after his party won well over the 155 seats needed to form a new government, will get back to work dismantling social services and letting his pals in business and industry rape what's left of Canada's natural resources.

Michael Ignatieff, leader of the Liberal Party and professional boredom dispenser,
took it on the chin as his party suffered one of the biggest defeats in the history of our neighbor to the north. I saw part of his concession speech and he vowed that his party would bounce back from this defeat, which is like saying that the bloated dead carcass of the raccoon in the middle of the road will one day get up and walk around again. He reminded the tens of people who stayed up to watch him speak that his party has suffered historic defeats in the past and they always came back. Then he went on to reveal the reason his party lost so many seats to the New Democratic Party(NDP) and that reason is, he moved the Liberal Party to the center, aka the mushy middle. Parties who aren't conservative win elections when they don't act like conservatives and they stay in power by not governing like conservatives. Ignatieff said that the Tories would move the country to the right and the NDP wanted to move the country to the left but his party under his leadership wanted to keep it in the center. How'd that strategy work out for you Mike? Not so good.

The Bloc Quebecois, the only group to rival Jews for Jesus in the annoyance department, got their asses handed to them. They lost over 40 seats. When I turned off the CBC election results, they looked like they were retaining anywhere from 3 to 5 seats. And bear in mind they only run in Quebec.

The big winners, aside from the Conservatives, in last night's election was the NDP. They picked up most all the seats the Bloc Quebecois lost and many in other ridings as well. And why wouldn't they? Look at their leader:
Holy hell, Jack Layton is my new man crush. Grrr baby, grrr. He's not only a dude who looks like he's ready to rumble, get drunk with you, and drive the get away car if you decide to hold up a liquor store, he's a leftist of the old school. He wants massive social spending to fix the fix Harper has gotten Canada into. He's the kind of politician we need in the USA, one who isn't afraid to say what's wrong and who isn't afraid to say just what he'll do to fix things. His party won big because they offered a stark telling contrast to the bullshit Harper is offering.

Hopefully Harper and his gang of sleaze ridden cronies won't fuck up too much stuff before manly Jack can take charge and fix what needs fixin' in our neighbor to the north.


Barbara Bruederlin said...

I feel a little better about the whole debacle, knowing that we have friends like you who are watching our backs, until we can vote in a smokin hot silver fox. It's the trustache, isn't it?

Dr. Monkey said...

You got it Barb.

K.Line said...

Hey - don't discount those Liberals. They will bounce back! Very impressed by your knowledge of Canadian politics.

gmb said...

Thanks for the overview. I also see that the SNP in Scotland managed to piss on the Tories (ongoing), Lib Dems (for being whores) and Labour (for being Tories). Good for them.