Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Ali Larter weighs in on the situation Egypt

Hi everyone, film and TV star Ali Larter here. Boy, how about that situation in Egypt huh? That's some crazy stuff. I know right. One day those people are all building pyramids and digging up mummies and the next they're all in the streets shouting and carrying on.
You'd have thought they were all excited over seeing me in my NBC series Heroes or something. Or perhaps they got all worked up seeing me in this outfit which makes my boobs look kind of flat. I'm about to go all 'power to the people' on whoever's idea it was for me to wear this top for this photo shoot, I mean come on, I got a nice rack and this thing is making my girls look sick. If only this top would leave before Mubarak does...
Okay, wow, that was scary. One second I'm bitching about my top and now it's gone and I'm wearing this black velvet piece of cloth. Speaking of velvet, the situation in Egypt could turn out like the Velvet revolution in the Czech Republic and Elbaradei could be the Egyptian Vaclav Havel. And for some reason I also just thought about that song Black Velvet. Oooo, there was a movie named Blue Velvet too! See how my mind gets freer once I take off those restricting clothes? I'm a genius when I'm naked I tell ya.
Now I'm laying down, kind of like how the US laid down for Mubarak all those years. It's sad we let him torture and commit human rights abuses for all those years and it's a shame he used that aid money we gave him to buy tanks, tear gas, and other weapons that hurt and helped enslave his people. He could have bought all the people of his country a bargain priced DVD player and DVD copies of my films Varsity Blues and Obsessed. I looked pretty damn good in both those movies.
You know what makes me laugh? Those people who say he have to support a dictator like Mubarak in order to have peace in the Middle East. And also those who say that if Mubarak gets kicked to the curb then we should bomb Iran. What's the Final Destination for that kind of thinking? See what I did there? I worked the name of one of my films into that sentence, but yeah, why the heck would we want to bomb Iran if Egypt finally gets democracy? That's just silly. Although it's not as silly as Final Destination 2! Boo ya! There's something you never saw coming, a self deprecating joke from a hot blonde woman!

Okay, that's all I have to say right now. I've got to go but have no fear, I leave you in the hands of my stunt double.Ummm, Egypt? The people are rising up? Didn't Moses lead everybody out of there years ago?


Professor Chaos said...

Don't we have to support the dictator just out of force of habit?

Mommy Lisa said...

Genius. You, not Ali. ;)