Monday, October 18, 2010

Focus on the Family approved greeting cards

Inside message:
It doesn't matter that you were a giant slut and a glory hole groupie before you got married. What matters now is you give about 20% of your combined income to the church and that you don't question any aspect of our faith.

Inside message:
Best wishes now but if you have any kids and they turn out to be gay or atheists, then we're going to turn our backs on you and treat you like shit. I'm totally not kidding.

Inside message:
When times get tough, read your Bible and remember, eatin' ain't cheatin'.

Inside message:
Praise Jesus for the help he gave you in coming to your senses! His holy grace prevented you from marrying that (check all that apply:)
  1. Jew
  2. Roman Catholic
  3. Wiccan whore
  4. man hating bull dyke
  5. limp wristed Nancy boy
  6. Mormon
  7. Unitarian
  8. convicted felon
  9. Mexican drug lord
  10. horse
  11. slutty cousin of yours
  12. atheist
  13. pointy headed intellectual
  14. Democrat
  15. Communist
  16. evolutionist
  17. member of the British nobility
  18. welfare cheat
  19. earth worshiper
  20. negro


Lisa said...

And the worst are those pointy-headed intellectuals. Who needs smarts?

Anonymous said...

I had no idea eagles were so invested in the politics of marriage.