Saturday, September 4, 2010

Write like a Huffington Post hack in one easy step!

First, you have to go read this shitty piece of journalism on The Huffington Post.

Back so soon? Good. Glad to have you back. Did you notice how the author said the Appalachian region was impoverished? Yes, there is poverty here but there is poverty everywhere but only our region is impoverished. And did you notice how he made a point of saying that guy who is sending musical instruments back to his home town in WVA managed to 'escape' Appalachia? That writer loves to make sweeping generalizations based on decades old data. And he likes to smear whole regions based on a small fraction of what goes on there. So let's be like that writer and come up with stuff about other countries and states! Feel free to add more stuff in the style of that shitty Huffpo piece in the comments!

Here's my contributions:

  • Some people on the eastern sea board of Canada are addicted to drugs and alcohol so that means everybody in Canada is drunk and on drugs! That must be why they have that socialist health care, those damn dirty drunk drug addled Canucks.
  • Many organized crime figures lived and worked in New York city. So obviously that means that everyone in NYC is in the mafia.
  • Drug violence is out of control in some border towns in Mexico, so it stands to reason that Mexico is a one big cesspool of narcotics and violence.
  • Soccer hooligans once ran wild in the streets of Britain, so using the Huffpo logic that means that everyone in Britain is a soccer hooligan who loves to fight and stay drunk.
  • Some people in California smoke marijuana and have sex with people of their own gender, so every one in Cali is a stoned homosexual. It's true!
Thanks goodness the underground railroad smuggled me out of the impoverished Appalachian region and found me a computer to write this blog post on. If I had stayed back in those mountains I wouldn't have been able to write this due to the fact that I would have been too busy trying to fuck my sister, attending lynchings, and shooting animals I could make vittles out of. Now if, you will excuse me I'll just be moseying back down south to my trailer park where I'll drink a lot of moonshine and then pass out in the chicken coop after some good ol' fashion banjo pickin'.


Nan said...

Look on the bright side. The writer did manage to write "West Virginia" without including "meth" in the same sentence.

K.Line said...

Shit - you've figured us out up here. :-)

Mnmom said...

I'm from Iowa - I totally understand. According to the rest of the USA I have a hillbilly accent, wear overalls, live on a farm, and don't have electricity or running water.

Liberality said...

Now if you could just get them to pay attention to this criticism (well deserved btw).

Sleestak said...

It's a shame what they did to ned beatty.

gmb said...

That was Georgia, wasn't it, Sleestak? And Dr. Monkey, I went to Huffpo a few times when it first launched. All I needed. Just a vanity publishing site that makes lots of money for Arianna, but not many others, yes?

zencomix said...

I escaped from Massachusetts 20 years ago!

Also, too, the acoustics in chicken coops are hard to beat.

Mem said...

I kind of enjoy the banjo pickin myself...can you play something now? This should get you started ♪♫•*¨*•♫♪Da-da-da-Arianna drinks the tea because the bags are easier to hang from her hat then the koolaid packs da…..♪♫•*¨.•*¨*•♫♪♪♫Da-da-da-da…..♪♫•*¨*¨*•♫♪♪♫Da-da-da-da…♪♫•*¨¨*•♫♪♪♫Da-da-da-da….. ♪♫•*¨¨*•♫♪--

Robert said...

I knoe he's from Northern Appalachia , but I find it interesting that Ian pronounces it ap - uh - lay - chuh instead of the
usual native (and CORRECT, IMHO) ap - uh - latch - uh. Just sayin'