Monday, June 28, 2010

A kid's book remix

The life of a police cadet is a very stressful one. If you are black or Hispanic then the day starts off by you getting stopped or arrested for being a non-white person.

After you're cleared of any wrong doing then you're allowed to go to the gym where you engage in homoerotic male bonding with other cadets. This bonding promotes a sense of cohesion in the ranks. And your superior officers like to watch sweaty men duking it out.
Next up is a shower and then class room training where you learn the finer points of getting around laws that protect defendants and minors.
After class it's time for more hot cadet on cadet action.
After you have another shower it's time for the daily berating.
Then back down to the gym for more sports.
Add ImageWhile everyone is all hopped up on testosterone you're made to get dressed and you're herded off to the class room where you learn to frisk and arrest blacks and Hispanics.
Classes in getting around search warrants, planting evidence, and shaking down working class stiffs are also offered.
After all that fancy learnin', it's time for more bonding.
Black and Hispanic cadets aren't given real weapons to use until they pass all loyalty to white people and corporation tests. Once it's determined that all cadets no matter how brown, yellow, or red, will act to protect and serve white people and corporations at all times then and only then are minority cadets given weapons with live ammunition.
Usually they are so happy to get the weapons with live ammo that they go out and get drunk and run over every orange cone they can find.
Those who can still write legibly while hammered are sent to officer training school.
And at officer training school cadets go through more rigorous training and are allowed to also look at police porn.
After one final session of homoerotic male bonding, cadets must change into blue shirts and shake each others hands until the final bell of the day rings and they are sent home at eight o'clock, seven central, in the evening.
Then it's up and at 'em the next morning at six AM and the cadets do it all over again until they have mastered the basics of police work and are allowed to run roughshod over the laws and citizenry of their local jurisdictions.

7 comments:

XUP said...

Police training takes an entire DAY? Holy crap. I'm glad I never decided to become a police person

Wings said...

Explains a lot. Except why those dudes are ON the door in that one pic...

Sleestak said...

How many people got arrested taking those pictures?

Barbara said...

Why all the cop hate?

//dad was a cop.

Ricky Shambles said...

Haha! Looks like the lady with a tie is actually a cadet. Self-hate or generalized misogyny?

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

So Barbara, you don't get pointed satire because your father was a cop? Is that what you're saying? Or is your comment just idiotic?

Jay said...

In a large department, police officers may be promoted to detective or to a specialty area of police work, such as juvenile justice administration.

Become a police officer