Mortal enemies

My lovely Canadian blog friend XUP wrote on her mighty great blog the other day a post about best friends. I've been meaning to write about the opposite of that so here's my post about mortal enemies.

The way I'm defining mortal enemy is thus: a mortal enemy is someone you actually know in real life who for whatever reason hates you and who has either done you harm or would do you harm given the right circumstances. Someone you disagree politically with that you have never actually met in person can not be your mortal enemy. Some villain from history can not be your mortal enemy.

My mortal enemies are as follows:

• The late Bill Collier was my first mortal enemy. He was the father of a friend from back in Lee County. He was a nut bag who moved his family back and forth between Lee County and Roanoke, VA for some vague reason that was only known to him and him alone. I met him when I went on my UN trip, which I've written about before on here. It was during that first meeting with him that he struck me as someone who not only didn't like me but who wanted to do me harm. He was in his mid 40's when I first met his crazy ass. After our first meeting I had no run ins with him for many years because he kept moving his family back and forth between Lee County and Roanoke. But in 1988 when I moved to Roanoke I had some run ins with him once again. I moved up there with hardly a penny in my pocket and and with only the clothes I had packed in my suitcase. I got a job at Kirkland's in Valley View Mall almost as soon as I moved up there and one morning after a night of drinking with his alcoholic son we crashed out at old man Collier's house. He woke up to find me sleeping on his son's bedroom floor and he began screaming that we all had to get up and get out of his house. He then kicked me to drive his point across. He quickly decided that his alcoholic son was still too drunk to drive so he said he'd take me to the mall, he screamed for me to get in his car right that second or he'd rescind his offer. I had no time to shower, take a dump, or do anything but get in his car so I got in the car. He didn't say a word as he drove me to the mall at 5:30 in the morning. When he drove past the exit for the mall I was about to say something but as soon as I opened my mouth he pulled the car over on the shoulder of the interstate and he told me to get out. I got out and he drove off. I scaled the fence that ran between the mall and the interstate and walked the final two miles from where he dropped me off. I swore that if I ever saw that crazy old bastard again I'd ask him why he hated me so much, after I busted him upside his head that is. Luckily for both of us I never saw him again and he finally died a few years back. He was a bitter crazy old fuck who had died many years before, it just took his body all those years to catch up with his dead spirit. If I knew where he was buried I'd go piss on his grave.
• My second mortal enemy was the older brother of a friend I had in high school. He hung out with Cousin Psycho and no doubt Cousin Psycho filled his head with stories about what a weakling and what a fancy book loving nerd I was. To Cousin Psycho anyone who didn't trap and kill small animals, eschew books and education, and who didn't date rape women was a nerd who was not a real man and who deserved to be beaten up and scorned. So as I became good friends with his younger brother, the older brother, Cousin Psycho's friend, hated me more and more. He'd go out of his way to say demeaning things that were supposed to humiliate me and while he never hit me, the threat of physical violence was always there. I did my best to avoid him but sometimes it was impossible. Once we were in the park in Jonesville and My Sharona came on the radio and I said how much I liked it. My mortal enemy said, "So you think that makes you better than everybody else. Don't you?" I said, "Huh?" He said, "You think because you like that song that you're better than everybody else. I bet you listen to it when you're in that 100,000 dollar house your stupid family built don't you." I ignored him but he kept on until I finally walked away and as I was walking away he called me a pussy and said I was a disgrace to men everywhere. It was among the happiest days of my life when I moved out of Lee County because I knew then that I'd never run into that asshole again.
  
• My final mortal enemy is a mechanic I used to know named Stacey. He worked for a truck stop in White Pine that I used to sell to when I worked for Myers. He took an instant dislike to me the second he saw me for the first time. He'd always claim that they were stocked up on everything whenever I came around and then when I'd start writing an order he go tell his boss that I was over stocking them and that I should be kicked out in favor of another supplier. His boss however had no problem with me and he always bought what I recommended. A few days after I totaled my first pick up truck I was on my way to the junk yard to get the last of my personal possessions out of what used to be my work truck and I stopped off at the truck stop on my way to said junkyard. Stacey was there and when he saw me coming he said that he'd finally convinced his boss to kick me out and that they were going with one of my rivals. I was in no mood to fuck around so I said "Fine. Let's go make sure this is what your boss wants." So Stacey and I marched up the stairs to his boss's office and I said, "I nearly died the other day when my truck flipped over in the rain so I'm not in a good mood. Stacey here says you want to switch to one of my competitors and that's fine with me by the way but I want to make sure the joker you're throwing me under the bus for is going to show up, so let's call him and I'll tell him the good news myself." I then picked up the phone and I handed it to Stacey's boss while I held the receiver. I said, "You dial his number Bruce and I'll tell him he's got your business. Okay?" Bruce, Stacey's boss, let out a nervous laugh and he said, "Gimme that phone. We ain't switching." I glared triumphantly at Stacey and I swear he flinched a little, like he was gearing up to hit me. The next week I went back and they told me he quit to go to another truck stop. I ran into him again a few times but he never said another word to me even thought I knew he wanted to slap the shit out of me for calling his bluff that day.

I don't have any more mortal enemies because I refuse hold grudges since my heart attack. Don't get me wrong, there are some people who were in my life who I don't like and who would probably do me harm if the circumstances were right, but since my heart attack I just cut them loose, just like I did to most of the people on my late father's side of the family. I don't need any extra stress or bull shit in my life and that goes double for mortal enemies.