Sure you could send you son to Boy Scout camp where he'll learn to tie all sorts of knots which will come in handy when he's going through his bondage phase and where he'll play endless hours of 'rescue the sausage' with his Scout master.
And you could send you daughter to fat camp where she'll expand her eating disorder and learn all sorts of new ways to hate on her body.
Or you could send them to some of these new camps for kids!
Does your son have Russian hands and Roman fingers? Can his right arm crush a Volkswagen? Does he hoard porn like a squirrel hoards nuts in the fall? If so then send his horny little ass off to Camp Jerkaway. While there he'll be given the opportunity to dust his dolphin in the great out doors, take part in circle jerks, and if he's lucky, he can get a helping hand from one of the gals from Camp Sluts-a-lot, which is right across the lake. We guarantee he'll come home so tired of roughing up his suspect that he may not jerk his gherkin for a whole week or so.
Deep in the Paraguayan forest is Camp Mengele and here your child will learn about his place in the 1000 year Reich. No Jews, Gypsies, Communists, gays, blacks, socialists, trade unionists, liberals, Hispanics, or red haired children allowed.
Is your kid moody? Introspective? If so, then Camp Ingmar Bergman in Oxelösund, Sweden is for him. He'll be allowed to probe his depressive side and to ponder endlessly the meaning and meaninglessness of life while the midnight sun beats relentlessly down upon him. He'll learn about existential dread, chess, wild strawberry gathering, and how to repress his feelings and emotions until they drive him to the brink of madness.
Liv Ullman will make a surprise appearance sometime during summer to remind the campers of their shortcomings and of their imminent death.
Are your kids at that age where they're confused about their sexuality? Then send them to Camp Disingenuous and they'll stay confused! Close friendships will be made and then broken when someone is a little too afraid to let their real feelings shine through or when someone is found out to be just fucking with someone else. Mixed signals will be sent and your kids are sure to come home even more mixed up then they were when you sent them off so you could spend more time with your 'special' internet friend that you don't tell your spouse about.
And finally, it's not really a camp but you could probably drop your kids off at that Mormon family from down the block's house. They've already got like fifty kids so one or two more won't matter. Go on, do it. You could use the peace and quiet.
And you could send you daughter to fat camp where she'll expand her eating disorder and learn all sorts of new ways to hate on her body.
Or you could send them to some of these new camps for kids!
Does your son have Russian hands and Roman fingers? Can his right arm crush a Volkswagen? Does he hoard porn like a squirrel hoards nuts in the fall? If so then send his horny little ass off to Camp Jerkaway. While there he'll be given the opportunity to dust his dolphin in the great out doors, take part in circle jerks, and if he's lucky, he can get a helping hand from one of the gals from Camp Sluts-a-lot, which is right across the lake. We guarantee he'll come home so tired of roughing up his suspect that he may not jerk his gherkin for a whole week or so.
Deep in the Paraguayan forest is Camp Mengele and here your child will learn about his place in the 1000 year Reich. No Jews, Gypsies, Communists, gays, blacks, socialists, trade unionists, liberals, Hispanics, or red haired children allowed.
Is your kid moody? Introspective? If so, then Camp Ingmar Bergman in Oxelösund, Sweden is for him. He'll be allowed to probe his depressive side and to ponder endlessly the meaning and meaninglessness of life while the midnight sun beats relentlessly down upon him. He'll learn about existential dread, chess, wild strawberry gathering, and how to repress his feelings and emotions until they drive him to the brink of madness. Liv Ullman will make a surprise appearance sometime during summer to remind the campers of their shortcomings and of their imminent death.
Are your kids at that age where they're confused about their sexuality? Then send them to Camp Disingenuous and they'll stay confused! Close friendships will be made and then broken when someone is a little too afraid to let their real feelings shine through or when someone is found out to be just fucking with someone else. Mixed signals will be sent and your kids are sure to come home even more mixed up then they were when you sent them off so you could spend more time with your 'special' internet friend that you don't tell your spouse about.
And finally, it's not really a camp but you could probably drop your kids off at that Mormon family from down the block's house. They've already got like fifty kids so one or two more won't matter. Go on, do it. You could use the peace and quiet.
6 comments:
Or keep 'em home, and safe.
My parents would never pony up the cash to send me to Camp Jerkaway. I would have sold my blood and a kidney to get a fine redhead and brunette at the same time!
Those Mormons seem to have real issues about what to do with their arms and hands whilst sitting around.
Oh my...Camp Ingmar Bergman!!!
Almost spit my tea out on that one...too funny!!! :D
Bloggy gold, sir. And I love your new banner art!
We played alot of corn hole when I was in the scouts. Seems its become quite a popular sport now.
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