What's the coolest thing on wheels?

Live roller derby, that's what.

Sure, sneer all you want, after all I used to. Sure, toss women's roller derby into the pantheon of white trash pseudo sports like professional wrasslin', street luge, and competitive eating, I sure as hell used to. And when you're done with those two things, make fun of the people who go see live women's roller derby because baby, I sure as shit used to. Then one gray Sunday afternoon I went to a match and I saw my local team, the Little City Roller Girls, take on the Low Country High Rollers from Charleston, SC and my eyes were opened and now I'm a flat track roller derby fanboy for life.
I've been aware of the Little City Roller Girls for almost a year now. I bought some of their stickers at a local street festival last year but I had never been to any of their matches, then I saw a few weeks ago that they were going to have one the last day of Feb. and I shot an email to my buddy Keith saying that we ought to check it out because it might be good for laughs. He agreed and so yesterday off we went, his sons went with us as well, to see some live roller derby. I'll be honest, I went hoping to take a bunch of photos of hipsters, poseurs, and other folks I could mock and I figured that there would be about 50 people at the event. Boy, was I ever wrong.

There were about 250 to 300 people at the match and sure there were some hipsters there but I had no time to pay attention to them because the action on the track kept me riveted.
If you remember roller derby from TV then forget what you think you know about roller derby. If you remember roller derby from the film Kansas City Bomber, forget what you saw. I haven't seen Whip It yet, but forget it as well if you've seen it. This roller derby is flat track roller derby. And it's fast paced, and it's real. The ladies mix it up on the track. No, they don't punch or elbow, but they do jostle and throw some mean booty moves to knock their opponents out of the way.

This is one of the team founders, or so I was told by the gal who we stood next to during the match. Her skate name is Noli ChuckYa, which is a pun on the local Nolichucky river. She runs a local business downtown when she's not kicking ass and taking names on the roller derby track.

Once you figure out how they score the match and what to watch for, the action sucks you in. The gals skate fast, they play offense and defense at the same time, and there are lots of spills and crashes. When the crowd gets into it and the jammers break free or the team you're rooting for stops their opponents jammer and everyone leaps to their feet and cheers, it's a blast. A blast I tell ya!

The match goes on for about an hour, it's split into two thirty minutes halves, and that hour goes by in a flash. By the time it's over you wish it wasn't and you wish they'd go for another hour because it's so much fun to watch. But you then you see how physically tiring it is on the ladies.

One of the many cool things about our local roller derby is as long as you stay off the track you are free to take photos during the match from about anywhere you like. And after the match the teams make themselves available to the fans. In fact they encourage people to mingle and meet the roller gals after the match. This beauty's skate name is Rock Nasty:

She kicks twenty bazillion kinds of ass on the track. And as you can tell, she loves to pose for fat bastards when they ask if she minds if they can take her picture. Seriously, you have not lived until you see her do her stuff on the track. She was not only a favorite of mine, my buddy Keith's youngest son is an ardent admirer of hers as well.

After our Little City Roller Girls pulled out the win in the last jam of the match I snapped this photo of the Low Country High Rollers:

Notice how that one gal is holding her butt. I swear it's because she fell on it and not because she caught me lifting her skirt for a peek at her rear end. Really. I swear.

Both teams gathered in the middle of the track to talk, meet the fans, and boogie to the swinging sounds the DJ was layin' down.

I got a real sense of camaraderie watching the gals get down with their bad selves. It was a heart warming thing to see, to be honest. You can tell they all love the roller derby thing they've got going on and you can tell they all genuinely like one another.
It's also nice to see that the local roller derby is a family friendly event. Many folks brought their kids to see the match and there was a big cross section of people from all over my area who came out. I'm old enough to remember when there were very little athletic outlets for females, sports for women were actually discouraged for many years because it was feared that all that strenuous activity might knock loose their baby making lady parts, so it was especially nice to see this sport not only be the domain of women, it was gratifying to see that so many folks brought their young daughters to see the event as well.
This little gal saw I was snapping photos so she was nice enough to flash me a smile in between bites of her nachos.

And this little gal
wore a helmet and skates to the match. At one point I asked her if she was ready to go in if someone got injured. She said she wasn't, but I'm sure if push came to shove, she would have skated out there and jammed with the big girls on the track. I know I would have if I was a chick who could skate, but since I'm not, I am in fact a fat middle age bastard who can't skate to save his life, I'll have to settle for being a flat track roller derby fanboy.

Long may the Little City Roller Girls skate!

Viva Little City Roller Girls!