The story and glory of the U. S. Mail

It's not a big mystery how your mail comes to you. In fact, it's quite an exciting adventure how you get your mail! So pay attention and you just may find you'll like learning about the U. S. mail system so much that you'll want to be a mailman when you grow up.

All the mail that is stamped and properly addressed is put into big canvas bags that conveniently enough have the words U. S. Mail stamped on them in big bold letters:
When these bags are full they are carried off to the various cities by carrier pigeon. And that's where we get the nick name 'mail carrier' from! See? Learning is fun!

The pigeons drop the bags of mail on top of post offices in the city. The postal employees quickly and vigilantly sort the mail using the most modern equipment available. Here two postal employees use the Sort-Tron 6000 which is built by Microsoft and which costs the post office one bazillion million dollars each.
That may sound expensive to you but honestly, what do you know? And who are you to question the way the post office does business? Do you like getting mail? If so then you'll stop sticking your big fat bazoo into post office dealings Mr. or Mrs. Smarty Pants.

If there are magazines in the bags they are leafed through and then bundled. The post office only keeps magazines that have unwholesome photos of big breasted women, small animals, and Pat Boone in them. All other magazines are delivered quickly and with as few pages stuck together as possible.

When he's got all the mail for his route in his pouch your local mailman then goes out to deliver it. While delivering the day's mail your local mailman may stop off for coffee, do a line or two of cocaine, feed the ducks by the pond, spay and neuter as many undocumented immigrants as he can find, and he'll also empty out the big mail boxes too.
He'll put the mail from this box into a big canvass bag that has U. S. Mail clearly stamped on it when he gets back to the post office.

Mailmen deliver mail to all kinds of places. They deliver mail to businesses,to homes,
and with the passage of the Mail Equality Act of 1965 they also must by law deliver mail to Negroes, Jews, Latvians, hippies, single parents, socialists, ballet dancers, poodle fanciers, step dancers, Libras and Cancers, and to most all trailer parks in the southeastern United States, however they can and sometimes do insist on seeing the vaccination records of trailer park dwellers in West Virgina, TN, and KY before delivering them their mail.

Mailmen deliver mail during all kinds of weather. They work when it is sunny, when it is cloudy, when it rains, and when it's cold and damp. They work long hours and at the end of the day they like to go home and have a drink and submit to the cruel whims of stern women named Gertie, Stella, and La-Wanda.
Some enjoy a nice grill cheese and a glass of tonic water as well. But most enjoy getting spanked for being such naughty boys. After all, they'll walk it off the next day.