Monday, October 19, 2009

New Street Gangs You Need To Start Worrying About

The Diversers is a mixed race gang that spread fear, dread, and germs where ever they go, which is mainly in and around Joan Kennedy Elementary School, which is out on Route 4 just past the trailer park and the dumpsters that are always on fire. The young man in the middle of the above photo is flashing a gang sign that is telling his gang buddies that an after school rumble is going down later that day. Or he just told the runner on second base to steal third.

The Voters are a gang of whites who love to exercise their right to vote. They often vote for write in candidates like Pete Moss, Basil Thyme, and Juggy McTits. ACORN may be bankrolling this dangerous to democracy gang, FOX news is looking into it.

The Mandlebaums aka Jews 4 Jeebus. This gang of ethnic Jews has turned their backs on their Jewish faith and on the Christian one as well and they openly mock said faiths with their sneering atheism. They observe all religious rituals ironically and they love to give members of Jews for Jesus reproachful and condescending looks.

The League of Laughing Lesbians, or as they are know on the street L Cubed, love to recruit new members with retro technology. They play their godless homosexualist Donnie and Marie Osmond records backwards while plying their tender young nubile recruits with grape Kool-Aid that has been laced with marijuana joints.

The Slickers use water sports, soiled underpants, and fish sticks to terrorize school yards and playgrounds all over the west side of town.

This gang of savage bloodthirsty Negroes is known as the Jacksons. They hang out at 1848 Prescott Circle. They've been known to have large gatherings called 'family reunions' where scores of 'family members' congregate and char varieties of meats over an open fire pit whilst listening to music that makes one want to sway ones hips. They also are known to attend church, pay taxes, and smile at white people.

The B-Day Krew forces everyone everywhere to bake them birthday cakes even though it's clearly not their birthday. The use crying, screaming, and head butts to your groin to achieve their nefarious desires. They're also always up for a game of pin the tail on the donkey.

The Red Satchels are a gang of girls that tease other girls while simultaneously making making the boys around them feel self conscious and unworthy of love and or affection. The only known way to repel this gaggle of gal is to flick big boogers at them.

Stay vigilant around these gangs and you'll be safe, let your guard drop and you'll be sorry!

10 comments:

Wings1295 said...

You should have warning labels on this blog! Now I am gonna be scared of running into these gangs all day!!!

Scary stuff...

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

This is why I don't go outside. They all look normal but then they GETCHA! Thanks for looking out for demented shut-ins. We would be a gang if not for our agoraphobia.

Anonymous said...

You are totally insane. I'm laughing out loud. I wish there were an acronym for that so I wouldn't have to type it all out!!

themom said...

I feel so much safer, knowing that you have researched these groups, to keep us on the straight and narrow. Thanks Monkey!!!!

Anonymous said...

Is the B-Day Krew taking new members? I could get down with year round birthday cakes! LOL

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I am not leaving the house until these gangs are dealt with. I am starting my own gang instead, and terrorizing my own neighbourhood.

Missy said...

Time to stock up on boogers I suppose. Sigh. Not again.

Little Merry Sunshine said...

Dr. Monkey,

Your blog is nothing if not a gigantic Public Service Announcement. I know you'd rather be writing about other things, but the way you selflessly give up valuable blog space for these PSAs shows just the kind of monkey you are.

America thanks you. Well, not Fox News, but the rest of America.

Keep up the good work!

Little Merry Sunshine

Tengrain said...

The Yellow Slicker Biker Gang is the worst! I already spotted them today, here, in San Jose!

Regards,

Tengrain

Crayons said...

Dr.
This is so well done. What can I say. I just laughed out loud while in the library. Clearly, your choice of photos makes it even funnier. You have a great eye and a great mind.