It's time once again to check in with the Oral Roberts Christian Comedy Crusade!

"Goooooood evening everybody and welcome to Uncle Hezakiah's Giggle & Grin Salvation Hut! We're please to bring to you tonight the old fashioned Christian comedy stylings of Oral Roberts! So please put your hands together the old time evangelizing and joke telling of everyone's favorite Okie, Rev. Oral 'Don't Call Me Orel' Roberts!"

"Hey thanks for that great intro Sister Evelyn. May the Lord bless your womb with lots of fruit and may he bless your husband with fruit of the loom undies! Ho! Hey! I'm getting wacky early folks! The underwear jokes and a few Satan filled ministers, I'm lookin' at you Ted Haggard, have already come out! So, how many of you have seen me do my stand up salvation act before?

Oh okay. Great then. I'm guessing the rest of you must be newcomers, which is totally cool. And you know who is also totally cool? Jesus, that's who. And an Eskimo! He's cool too, but only if he accepts Jesus as his personal savior.

Speaking of aboriginal people, a cowboy and an Indian walk into a bar and Jesus smote them both because it was a gay bar they was going in to. Zing! I love that joke, seriously it never gets old.

Speaking of old, how old do Jews have to be before you try to convert them to the Christianity? Hahahaha, it's trick question, because they can be any age when you try to show them the one true way to eternal life."

"What's wrong lady? Didn't you like my joke?"

"I could care less about your 'joke,' you're standing on my hemorrhoid you moron!"

"Hemorrhoid? That's no hemorrhoid, that's Satan oozing out of your doody hole. Zing! Hahahahaha, I kill me. And now to prove I am not racist, I shall touch a Negro.

Oops, I didn't mean to snap his neck. Honest! I swear, I lose more Negro audience member that way. Oh well, his family and friends have to forgive me or Jesus will smite them. Hey little girl, I have a joke for you. What do you get when you cross a disobedient child with a leather belt? You get a smile from Jesus because he hates kids who don't obey adults and he loves to see red little behinds, almost as much as I do and I'm not talking about Indian asses either. Zowie!

My stars! It's another Negro and he looks mean! Hey look Mr. Negro, I didn't snap your friend's neck. It was him, the guy I'm pointing at. Ummmm, look, I better wrap this up before I get the heaven beat out of me. But ya'll come on back for the 9:45 show. I'll have live music at that show.

I'll be joined by the Blessed Songsters Quartet.

And we'll also have a steel cage death match between Sonny and Cher.

and Steve and Edie.

Don't forget to tithe on your way out and tell all your friends we'll be here all week telling jokes and saving white folks souls! Say 'Amen!' somebody!"