I was a teenage sex symbol

It's been awhile since I regaled all of you with a story from my sordid past so I thought I'd share two tales of my awesome teenage sex appeal with you.

I lived in the world's worst area to be a teenager, Lee County, VA. Lee County was, and probably still is, extremely boring. Sure, it's fine if you're a farmer, a prison guard (they recently built a federal prison there), or if you just love being stuck in a county where the big entertainment is jeering at homosexuals and going to yet another revival at yet another Christian cult church. I lived in Lee County from 1974 to 1980 and if it hadn't been for smoking pot, sneaking beers and cheap wine when we did, and reading Rolling Stone and Time magazine to find out what was going on in the outside world then I would have gone bat shit insane.

I lived on Aunt Rageholic and Uncle Adultery's farm which was located about a half hour outside of town. And when I say town I mean Jonesville. And the thing you need to know about Jonesville is that it's literally a one horse town. It's tiny. It has one stoplight and it's not even a regular traffic light, it's a flashing red light in the middle of town. There's not much to do in Jonesville if you're a rambunctious curious teenager with a zest for living. Most of my free time back then was spent on the farm, I was stuck there because I did not drive, some day I'll share that saga with you, and because Aunt Rageholic ruled things with an iron fist and most of the time I was forced to stay at home during expeditions into town. Even though we always had a station wagon or a big ol' Chevy Surburban there was no room for me in either vehicle when there was house work to be done and there was always housework to be done, he said while rolling his eyes.

On the rare occasions when I was allowed to go into town one of the places I always went was the pool hall. It was an old timey pool hall with a bunch of pool tables and pinball machines, this was pre arcade style video game era. The pool hall was managed by a mildly retarded man everyone called Bear.Bear was in his mid 40's/early 50's during this time period. He not only was mildly retarded, he had a speech impediment which stemmed from an early childhood accident. When I say Bear managed the place, what he really did was just open the doors in the morning, make change all day long, swept up the place, turned on the lights when it got dark, picked up trash, and closed the doors and locked the doors at night. He lived in a tiny room in the back of the place.

The other thing about Bear was he was gay. And for some reason I caught his fancy. Crazy, I know. He loved to smile and wink at me, well more like leer and lick his lips at me when ever I happened to catch him checking me out. In fairness to him I was pretty hot. Here's my senior year picture:Back off ladies, I'm taken.

Anyhoo, I'd be playing pinball or shooting pool and Bear would waddle, he was a shade over weight, over to me and whistle and leer at me. I used to use a lot of body English while playing those old school pinball games and he would stand behind me and say things like, "I like the way you shake your ass boy," although due to his speech impediment it would sound like he was saying, "I lak de way oo shake oor ahh bo." He'd also tell me all the time that he'd even pay me for a piece. He'd say, "I'll give you five dollars for a piece of ass boy," which actually sounded like, "Five da pi ahh bo."

It all creeped me out. I had to push him away from me several times when he invaded my personal space. He'd laugh and make kissey faces at me and I'd gag at the thought of him touching me and at the urine smell he exuded. Eventually I quit going in there because of him and his constant unwanted attention.

But it turns out that Bear wasn't the only guy in town who wanted me. There was a guy in my small high school who always wanted to be my buddy but I just didn't like him. It was one of those things where he and I didn't have much in common and we were into different things, so no matter how much he wanted it, I wasn't going to hang out with him or be his BFF.

I got a vibe off him that he wanted to be more than just my friend and on graduation night he made a clumsy move on me, which in retrospect I'm not sure why he did because even though I didn't have a girlfriend, it was screamingly obvious I was into girls. Anyway, on the night of our graduation there were four or five parties going on in town and I was determined to hang out all night and go to all of them if I could. The guy in question was at a party at someone's house, I forget who's it was now, but as the night progressed he got drunker and he became agressive towards me. Him and a few of his friends surrounded me in a dark room and he grabbed me and he began pusing his dick on me, we were all fully clothed but really really stoned and drunk. He was passing what he was doing off as being funny, but as I was telling him to stop he got rougher and at one point he had his buddies hold my arms while he gyrated on me. He was laughing and I could feel him trying to undo my pants and I finally yelled atthe top of my lungs, "Get your hands and your dick off me Mark. This isn't funny! I don't fucking like it!" He hissed in my ear, "Shut up!" I had to yell again and finally he got off me and his buddies let my arms go. As soon as they did I pushed him against the wall and I left for another party with some friends.

When I got to the other party Mark and his posse showed up about an hour later and he began telling people that I took his joke the wrong way and that I was a sissy for yelling and for not laughing and playing along. I was still pissed about what had went down and when I heard him say that shit I wanted to kick his ass but he was much bigger than I was and he would have wiped the floor with me and he would have gotten off while doing it. So when I saw him sit down near the fire, this party was outside in a field, I walked over and I "tripped" on a non existent rock which caused me to dump the two beers I was holding all over him. He jumped up and cussed at me but since there were so many people around he didn't dare hit me. He did say he was going to kick my sissy ass the next time he saw me but as luck would have it we moved out of Jonesville the next day and I never saw him or Bear again.