I am the ugly American

I'm like most of my country men in that I can't speak a foreign language. I studied French in high school and college and I've forgotten most all of it. I've fared a little better with Spanish however. I know how to say the following phrases in Spainsh:

• Where is my luggage?
• More beer please.
• Can you tell me how to get to Salma Hayek's house?

So, as you can see, I'm well prepared for when all the undocumented workers from south of the border rise up and take over. I just hope I can make out those directions to Salma's place okay.