Hi everyone! Photo Phil here with a special guest post from 1969. These cameras around my neck can peer into the future and I'll use them here in 1969 to tell you what your future is going to be like in the future. Ooooooo, scary isn't it? Awww, don't worry, I've seen into the future many times and I can tell it looks bright! Why, you think we've got it good now in 1969? That's nothing compared to what's coming. Now sit down and let me show you what the future holds.
On August 1, 1977 an additional golden plate containing more chapters of the Book of Mormon will be unearthed in a landfill outside of Salt Lake City, Utah. One of the chapters will tell of how God gives his blessing for women and certain fresh water fish to marry. Mormon women everywhere leave their husbands for big sexy catfish, perch, and blue gill.
In 1978 the world population numbers plummet when Pope Joan Michelle VI finally ends the Roman Catholic prohibition on birth control devices, including the "pill." Pharmaceutical companies rush Communion wafer and jawbreaker flavored pills to market. Women in third world countries everywhere rejoice because they now can concentrate on their orgasms instead of just laying back and thinking of Jesus while they get impregnated.
In 1980 a serving of sh*t on a shingle is elected Prime Minister of Australia.
All vegetables are made out of meat starting in 1982. Children everywhere learn to love eating them and they learn to live with congestive heart failure as well.
1985 sees world population numbers plummet once again when it's discovered that babies are made of meat as well. Sweet sweet baby meat, mmmmmmm.
The USA finally wins the Vietnam war in May 1986 and millions of Vietnamese people learn to read English language newspapers. In late June hostilities break out again over a misprinted coupon. Grizzled warrior General George W. Bush leads the attack on Saigon, is hailed as a national treasure, but he insists that he will never ever use his fame as a spring board to run for the Presidency.
In 1990 the Go Go's reunite for a nice meal and some chit chat.
In late 1991 a piece of fatty meat takes over the 700 Club, the PTL Club, and a country club in southern Indiana.
In 1971 the big craze will be personalized meatloaf. I know, it's wacky! But don't worry, it's tasty too!
Speaking of food, in 1974 pumpkins will begin to sprout doughnut like appendages, learn to walk, and become petty criminals.
On August 1, 1977 an additional golden plate containing more chapters of the Book of Mormon will be unearthed in a landfill outside of Salt Lake City, Utah. One of the chapters will tell of how God gives his blessing for women and certain fresh water fish to marry. Mormon women everywhere leave their husbands for big sexy catfish, perch, and blue gill.In 1978 the world population numbers plummet when Pope Joan Michelle VI finally ends the Roman Catholic prohibition on birth control devices, including the "pill." Pharmaceutical companies rush Communion wafer and jawbreaker flavored pills to market. Women in third world countries everywhere rejoice because they now can concentrate on their orgasms instead of just laying back and thinking of Jesus while they get impregnated.In 1980 a serving of sh*t on a shingle is elected Prime Minister of Australia. All vegetables are made out of meat starting in 1982. Children everywhere learn to love eating them and they learn to live with congestive heart failure as well.1985 sees world population numbers plummet once again when it's discovered that babies are made of meat as well. Sweet sweet baby meat, mmmmmmm.The USA finally wins the Vietnam war in May 1986 and millions of Vietnamese people learn to read English language newspapers. In late June hostilities break out again over a misprinted coupon. Grizzled warrior General George W. Bush leads the attack on Saigon, is hailed as a national treasure, but he insists that he will never ever use his fame as a spring board to run for the Presidency.In 1990 the Go Go's reunite for a nice meal and some chit chat. In late 1991 a piece of fatty meat takes over the 700 Club, the PTL Club, and a country club in southern Indiana.In 1993 a Peruvian will perfect the ultimate loaded potato skin and he will be awarded the Nobel culinary prize for his efforts.
Canadians everywhere become suspicious of anything on a bun after 1995 for some reason.
And finally in 1998 America finally accepts Sweet Potato pie into it's pantheon of beloved desserts. The future looks bright indeed, so embrace it and enjoy it! This is Photo Phil in 1969 saying, "Bye bye from the past!"
10 comments:
ah, 1969. the year i graduated.
damn those pills were bigger than i remembered.
Now I am craving sh*t on a shingle for dinner tonight. ARGHHHH!!! Photo Phil you are to powerful!!!
The 1985 crack did me in! Hilarious.
I giggled hysterically at the 1990 Go-Go's.
I heart the go-go's. Such sluts.
I've always been fascinated with the hideous food photography and food styling of that era.
I could read old cookbooks for hours, laughing at the unappetizing photos and wondering how people could eat some of that shit.
You can laugh if you want, but if my pumpkin (or any vegetable, for that matter) starting sprouting doughnuts, I'd be thrilled.
And fat.
But mostly thrilled.
Well, at least Phil was right about the 700 Club!
Pumpkins just might be the most humiliated vegetable in the world.
... next to bananas.
What are those Practika cameras? Yeah, that's prob'ly why we don't have donut pumpkins.
Not very reliable, on the "hole".
*runs away*
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