Wednesday, August 20, 2008

It's over, the terrorists have won

I went to the Appalachian Fair today to take some photos. I wanted to take some artsy shots of the rides, of the lights, of the carnies, of my fellow citizens, of the animals in the barns, and of the food, and I did all those things. I walked around in the blazing hot mid-day sun and I took over 200 photos, and some look great and some look blurry. I had planned to spend about two hours at the fair snapping shots but I saw what I wanted to in under and hour, and yes I covered the whole of the place. I was pretty happy with my photographic haul and so I tried to leave.

I say "tried" because when I walked out of the main gate there were about 5 of Washington County's fattest, oops, I mean "finest" waiting for me. The main fat deputy in charge asked me my name and told me he needed to see my ID. I asked what the problem was. He said, between labored breaths, that someone had complained that I had been taking too many pictures near the rides. I pointed out that there was no prohibition on photos being taken as I handed him my license. He asked me why I was taking pictures, as if there was something sinister behind my picture taking. I told his fatness that I was taking photos for my own benefit and that I was a writer and photographer.

He snatched my drivers license out of my hand and walked away for about ten minutes. I'm guessing he was checking to see if I was on a sex offender list, the terrorism watch list, and or if there were any outstanding warrants out on me. I wanted to tell him that I wasn't the criminal in my family, they had already been arraigned. Ad I stood there in the blazing sun waiting on Deputy McFatty to check me out other deputies wandered by and asked if I was "the one," upon hearing that I was the sinister photographer they'd give me the evil eye and snort derisively at me.

Finally after finding out that I was a law abiding citizen with no warrants out on me Deputy McFuckingfatpig handed me back my ID and told me I was free to go. I said, "I guess you found out I wasn't a terrorist or a pedophile huh." He blurted out that surely I understood why some parents might be nervous that an older single male was taking photos of their kids on carnival rides. I reminded him that this was the United States and that we're innocent until proven guilty and that there was no ban on anyone taking photos inside the fairgrounds.

When I turned to leave I heard them tell me to have a good day. I wanted to tell them to lose weight, get a clue, and to fuck themselves, but I didn't. Instead I said, "Yeah, right. Whatever."

And that my friends is how my final trip ever to the Appalachian Fair went. I'll do a post on the more pleasant aspects of the fair later and I'll post most all of my fair photos on Flicker later. But I'll never set foot back inside the Gray fairgrounds as long as I live.

20 comments:

Bridget Jones said...

Dr. M that is INSANE!!!! Am surprised that you could hold back from letting those morons have it.

Guess the insanity's spread everywhere.

Unknown said...

I keep thinking I am write this or that funny comment here but there is nothing funny about profiling innocent people who are not breaking the law.

Madam Z said...

I feel your pain, monkeymucker. Once, long ago and far away, a man at a beach threatened to "break (my) fucking camera over (my) fucking head," when I was attempting to take a picture of my boyfriend when he happened to be standing in front of the bad guy and his friends.

However, I blame the drumbeat publicity about pedophilia for what happened to you. A parent got frightened when he/she saw you taking pictures that may have included his/her child, because he/she thought you were going to wack off while looking at such picture and/or subsequently stalk the kid. Having been a victim of child abuse myself, I was always hyper-vigilant about my own kids. But, having said that, there was no reason to have treated you so badly. You were "guilty until proven innocent," which is more and more "the American way."

Snad said...

Man, Monkey - that makes me feel like I've been punched in the stomach. We seem to be moving in the wrong direction, here.

Anonymous said...

Well that just sucks. I hate it that you had to be questioned like that. Fear makes people so stupid.

Chance said...

Your lucky, given this political atmosphere, they didn't take your camera away.

Bradda said...

Un-fucking-real! You better be careful Dr. Monkey, taking pictures is worse than lying your country into war!! EEK...

Sparkleneely said...

Ohhh, it's just creepy. So sorry you had to endure that. But the Bees??? Those pictures are fantastic!!!

Dr. Zaius said...

I think that the fez is what makes people nervous.

Blueberry said...

Maybe they were looking for this guy. But at least in Tokyo they've got a better attitude toward the innocent. Quote: "It's a monkey – it's not like it did anything bad," said a police spokesman.

dguzman said...

Gees, Monkey. The sad part is that you probably could've gotten into some real trouble if you'd mouthed off even only once, you know? I'm sure they were itching to bust someone, and your middle name IS Hussein and all. Thank Allah they let you go.

Ubermilf said...

Were you wearing pants? Because if you weren't, they were completely justified in being nervous.

If you WERE wearing pants, well, that's just a sad, sad situation on many levels.

Missy said...

What a world. I imagine you were wearing pants, right? Right?!?

Jess Wundrun said...

Is it that you were not wearing pants, but that your fez was hung on your naughty bits? (Ha ha! I just bogarted zaius, ubermilf and missy! I don't have an original thought in my cheese head!)

mwb said...

Annoying ain't it?

Life As I Know It Now said...

Stupid fucking police state--home of the freedom and liberty my ass!

Bridget Jones said...

Oh tell us that you were not wearing pants...maybe lederhosen?

Suzy said...

I think it was probably the kilt that set the alarms off.

Absurd and infuriating situation. I'm sorry you had to go through it.

Anonymous said...

As Keith Olbermann understated the other night, we're an embryonic police state. I'd say more like teenager police state. A few more rights go and it'll be complete.

Angry Ballerina said...

You should have said that his was the best picture you took thus far. "Look for it on FUPA Hunter douche tard!"


Sorry sweetums, that shit is aggravating.