Thursday, July 10, 2008

I'm proud to be an untrue American

While out of the house yesterday I popped over to my local post office to mail some postcards and as I pulled into the parking lot I spied this:

I slammed on my brakes, picked up my camera, and took this shot.
I usually park on the other side of the lot where this asshole, who it turns out was a fat guy in his mid to late 70's, was parked but I wanted him to see my Obama '08 bumper sticker so I parked across from him. When I got out I saw the owner of the van was sitting in his racist mobile so I caught his eye, pointed to my sticker, and I said, "O-bam-uh, O-bam-uh!" When he saw what I was pointing to he nearly choked on the greasy looking hamburger he was shoving down his porcine throat. I walked by him on my way in to the post office and he croaked, "Hey, you. Hey! Hey you, come here right now."

I declined and I invited him to go conjugate the verb "to fuck" with himself. I could tell he was apoplectic over the fact that someone had political convictions that differed from his. The greasy old goat then started to back out, but then he backed into a parking space next to mine. I went in and had to wait about 5 minutes before I got my postcard stamps but finally I was ready to go back out and see if the guy wanted to tell me anything. I turned on my camera and I pushed the movie record button but when I got outside he had gotten tired of waiting and he had left.

If I see him out and about again I'll be nicer to him. Heck, I might even offer to have my Imam say a prayer to Allah for him while me and my husband have gay sex on a flaming American flag.

15 comments:

Anaïs Nohant said...

Good for you Dr. Monkerstein! (Compliments given as I sip my liberal elitist decaf latte while not wearing my American flag lapel listing to Yusuf Islam when he was called Cat Stevens.)

Little Merry Sunshine said...

It never ceases to amaze me just how ignorant and racist some people can be.

This slack-jawed yoekel (I've been wanting to say that for a day or so, thanks for a great opportunity!) probably still believes there are WMDs in Iraq AND that we're not there for oil.

It's impossible to tell, but I sure hope that guy's driving a 100% American car and never buys anything made anywhere else but the US.

dguzman said...

Does Sparky know about your husband?

Snad said...

dguz - Sparky probably lit the match. She's way cool that way.

Spirula said...

Impressive. Most impressive, although I doubt I would have ventured near his van (I have family in Bristol VA...that's one gun-totin population you got there).

You know, I'm always won over by a missive that looks like it was posted by a toddler. I guess the text isn't the only thing not level.

Blueberry said...

...and parked almost sideways in a handicapped spot! What's his handicap? Lacking the ability to think for himself?

Anonymous said...

Being a douchebag is not a handicap.

Ooh, when you and your gay husband are finished with the gay butt seks, can I have your aborted gay fetus? I'm making a diorama.
Kthxbai.

Anonymous said...

This is what I get for reading blogs too fast. For a minute I thought I was still at Bub's place and was looking to reading how burger boy ended up lying face down on the ground, under arrest for assaulting an officer. Dang.

Johnny Yen said...

You should have really ruined his day and informed him that the guy with the last name Hussein actually didn't have WMD's. My guess is that he's in the 20 something percent of people who still believe that there were WMD's in Iraq.

Funny coincidence-- it's almost the exact same percentage who think W. is doing a good job.

Also, I noticed that he's in the "handicapped" parking space. Was he actually handicapped?

Maybe you should have shouted a succinct and double-entendrous political slogan to him: "Lick Bush."

Freida Bee said...

My first thought were like Spirula's. The video camera was a brilliant idea, though is you were dead, he could just take the darned thing.

Incidentally, there's a group called Cop Watch here which listens to police scanners and goes out at times and videotapes police interacting with citizens, particularly in the areas minorities are likely to be harassed.

I admire you, Monkeyslut.

Dr. Zaius said...

Ha! Wotta picture!

Elizabeth said...

You are a provocateur. I admire that.

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard, my next door "neighbor" pounded on the hotel wall.

Micgar said...

Whatta dumbass! I mean, if you look at his "stickers" it looks like it says "Why would a true American vote for a man named Vote Republican Conservative" along with "Hussein" Next time you should have a McCain sticker and place it in that blank space and place an Obama sticker next to "Vote"

GETkristiLOVE said...

I'm disappointed there's no movie, but the photo is pretty ripe.