Doin' the hand jive with Rep. Duncan Hunter (almost the last in a series of interviews with the Republican Presidential candidates)

Greetings everyone. Thanks for stopping by for nearly the last Republican Presidential candidate interview. I was praying this idiot Duncan Hunter would see the light and drop out of the race but it's painfully obvious he's too stupid to do that so I invited him over so he could answer a few questions. The answers that are in italics are actual quotes from him.
Dr. MVM: What's up Dunky? You don't mind if I call you Dunky do you?

Rep. Hunter: If you call me that again I'll rip that fez off your head and I'll take dump in it.

Dr. MVM: Fair enough Dunkleberry. Why do you hate the Captain and Tennile?

Rep. H: These are the people who tried to kill us.

Dr. MVM: Really? They tried to kill us? When? In the late 70's?


Rep. H: I don't know where you were, but we've had more hearings, open and closed, on this one subject than any other issue that has been before this committee.

Dr. MVM: Wow, I must not have tuned into CSPAN that day, I missed all those hearings. You seem pretty worked up about Captain and Tennile and wanting them taken down. How do you feel about other nostalgia acts touring the country? Should we imprision them as well?

Rep. H: It's the right thing to do...

Dr. MVM: So I hear thru the grapevine that you once had an affair with a German Shepard. Do you care to comment on that?

Rep. H: ...these issues have been throughly discussed and debated.

Dr. MVM: Not by me they haven't. Come on man, my readers demand the truth, spill your guts about you and the dog.

Rep. H: Look, over there, a Mexican is trying to sneak in and get the best table at my local Applebees!

Dr. MVM: Calm down, that's Cheech Marin, he's legal, he was born here you dumb ass.

Rep. H: Oh.

Dr. MVM: Okay now I lost my train of thought. Where were we?

Rep. H: I intend to do everything I can to kill...

Dr. MVM: Dude, you are one bloodthirsty mofro.

Rep. H: I'm a Republican.

Dr. MVM: Point taken. How do you feel about your fellow Republican candidates for the Presidency?

Rep. H: We seem to be our own worst enemies.

Dr. MVM: Well, don't forget most of America hates you all as well. Oh yeah, I forgot you dodged my question about your affair with that German Shepard. My peeps on the street tell me you and your staff moved into a dog kennel to be closer to your canine companion. How long will you and your staff live there?

Rep. H: When they are sufficently trained, we leave.

Dr. MVM: And your wife is cool with that?

Rep. H: There's always going to be bombs going off...

Dr. MVM: Whatever floats your boat. Show me how you slice ham.

Rep. H: Like this.

Dr. MVM: No knife?

Rep. H: Nope.

Dr. MVM: You are a close friend of Sen. Vitter. Has he shown you any of his "moves" yet?

Rep. H: Yes, he's shown me his patented two hand booby grab. Let me show you.

Dr. MVM: Easy now. I'm no friend of Larry Craig if you know what I mean. Back to Sen. Vitter, did you see the photos of the hooker he was banging? She's actually better looking than his pinched faced wife. Well speak up man, did you see the photos or not?

Rep. H: Unfortunately those pictures were released.

Dr. MVM: Unfortunately? The people have the right to know this stuff. I got to be honest with you Dunkelberry, I'm sick to death of you and I want you gone. Before I throw you out show me how many fingers you can fit inside your mouth.

Dr. MVM: Okay, thanks. Now get out and don't let the door hit you on the way out.