The Five Chickenhawks

Hey everyone, meet the Romney family! Oops, sorry, here's the real Romney family:Honestly I can not tell which family would have been Hitlers wet dream. Judging by how they breed though, I'd have to go with the family in the second picture. What I'd like you to notice is that none of Mitt's boys are in uniform, notice how none of them lost a limb, notice how none of them has the Thorazine glaze in their eye, they all look so wholesome and Jeebus loving.

And you know why that is? It's because all of them followed their daddy's example and they eschewed military service during a time of war. But what strikes us as odd is that both father and sons avoided serving in highly unpopular wars that were botched by Republican Presidents with low approval ratings, yet both father and sons wholeheartedly supported the wars they refused to fight in.

Crazy huh? Hypocritical huh? Both daddy and his five boys stand by cheering on their unpopular wars while refusing to fight or to serve in any way.

Wait, what was I thinking? Of course the boys are serving their country. Someone asked Mitt why his boys didn't serve in the military and this is what he said: "The good news is that we have a volunteer Army and that's the way we're going to keep it," Romney told some 200 people gathered in an abbey near the Mississippi River that had been converted into a hotel. "My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard." He added: "One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

I'm sure that the option of serving ones country by helping to get a flip flopping chickenhawk elected President never occurred to the thousands of men and women in our armed forces. I may be wrong but I bet that this kid would have loved canvassing in Davenport, Iowa instead of being killed in Iraq for nothing. This young man would have loved to pass out campaign literature in the Ames, Iowa instead of snuffing it thousands of miles from his home.

Hang on, maybe I'm being too tough on the Romney lads. Let's check in with them and see what they actually do in their service in Iraqowa:

Oh the humanity!! How so incredibly brave to ride those bikes in the summer heat of Iowa. What troopers they are for wearing those tight bicycle shorts that make their asses look so nice.

Oh my God! Here are a couple of them up before sunrise eating a breakfast that wasn't cooked and packaged by Halliburton. Bravery like this hasn't been seen since Iwo Jima.

No! It can't be! They can't be standing with a friend at a St. Louis Cardinals baseball game! Sadly, yes they are. How do they do it? Pressing the flesh one day in a corn field in Iowa and taking in a baseball game in the hot humid air of St. Louis the next. Of course the lads are upstanding citizens and they did not use pictures or descriptions of the Major League Baseball game on the campaign trail when they made their way back to Iowa.

The Romney lads went in this city hall and they made it safe for Mormon democracy.

Here they are later that day re-enacting scenes from their favorite film Children of the Corn.

Unbelievably the Romney sons managed to somehow dig deep and find the strength to pose for one more picture in of all places, Clinton County Iowa. Oh the irony.

Man that serving in Iowa helping get their douchebag dad elected President is as tough as serving in the wars of terror on Iraq and Afghanistan. My hat is off to you Romney boys. Long may you serve and please for the love of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, when you get those weary bones home tonight, stay in and try to knock up your wife so that we may never face a shortage in the future of Romneys willing to lay down their lives to make sure a douchebag Republican gets elected.