One day they, the asses who ran the operation, gave me an index card with a name and address on it, it was my lead for the afternoon. So I packed my demo vacuum in the car and off I drove.
I drove quite a ways outside of Knoxville and finally I got to where I was supposed to be. I get out of the car and I see a house that looked much like this:
I had learned many years ago that some people in the South can be a little eccentric and that sometimes people who are very wealthy live in shitty looking houses. This however was not one of those times. The people who lived in that house were dirt poor and fertile, there were kids everywhere, kids in diapers, kids in shorts, kids in the hamper, kids climbing the walls, and kids playing outside on the hood of my car.
The lady of the house obviously had just wanted some adult company when she told the gals who set our appointments via the telephone that she was interested in a $1500 vacuum. She was as nice as she could be in person but I saw right away there was no way in hell she could afford a Kirby, much less pass the credit check. I quickly asked her questions to find out her financial status as I sat on her filthy couch and I watched the parade of shirtless diapered kids who drank RC Cola from sippy cups go by me.
She noticed all the kids had drinks and she smiled at me. She said, "I'm sorry for being a bad hostess. Can I get you something to drink?"
I looked down at carpet that was matted with dirt and yesterday's lunch, at the dirty curtains, at the pile of dirty dishes in the sink in the kitchen and then I looked at my hostess. "Umm..."
I tried to stall.
She took it as a sign that I wanted something to drink. She rose and said, "What do you want Coke? Pepsi? RC?"
I blurted out, "Do you have anything in a can that I can rinse off before you open it?"
She said, "We ain't got no drinks in cans, we just got two liters." She walked into her kitchen.
I grabbed my demo unit and said as I ran out, "Thanks anyway but I got to go." I quit that job two days later.
14 comments:
Oh, God. You just described my version of Living Hell ... and it's not selling vacuum cleaners.
Although ... my vacuum cleaner died recently ... give me your spiel.
You were partially raised by a rageaholic control freak, right?
A couple of days ago, I listened to the two younges Spawn discuss how they don't like to eat at other people's houses. The Boy said he didn't like to eat at other people's houses because they ate weird things. The Baby said she didn't like to eat at other people's houses because she couldn't be sure that they were clean.
"Yeah, it's not like Mom is there to make sure," The Boy agreed.
Worst traveling salesman joke ever.
On other notes, what I miss about the South is that Piggly-Wiggly is a great name for a grocery store.
Shaw's, Stop and Shop, etc. - just ain't the same!
I miss home....Such nostalgia looking at that house...except I lived in a double wide.
Beth-Such spiels I could give you.
D Cup-I know where the Spawn are coming from. I hate other people's house when I was their age due to the strange smells.
MWB-Piggly Wiggly, ain't it great?
AB-I knew you were some high falutin' doublewide livin' gal. Dang you.
My worst job was canvassing for a public interest group. It sucked rocks. I lasted four days.
Years later, I found that the group was investigated for fraud. It really pissed me off that I was collecting money from working stiffs for a bogus operation.
vacuums suck.
Ick! Good blurt, though. "Do you have anything in a can that I can rinse off before you open it?" Ha!
At least you were honest!
Drinking "RC cola from sippy cups." What? No Moon Pies?
How on God's green earth did that woman expect to seduce you into giving her another baby if she wouldn't even offer you a Moon Pie to go with your RC?
The photo reminded me of the many ramshackle houses in the area where I grew up - but always, the people had a fancy new car, usually a Cadillac!
Remember the old joke about Dolly Parton buying the grocery chains Piggly Wiggly and Harris Teeter - and renaming the chain "Big Wiggly Teeters"?
Ya gotta love RC Cola though and really Bubs is right if she was a good hostess she would have offered a moon pie to go with that cola.
Ah, that story still makes me laugh. Knowing how wildly uncomfortble around dirt you are, I do love that image of you squirming away on the fetid couch whilst the bediapered, waterhead babies totter on too-thin legs with their soda and malnourished bellied protruding. Each child casting a truly jaundiced eye upon you and wondering if finally they had laid eyes upon the elusive "daddy."
Her return from the kitchen, clutching the vaguely brownish liquid in a half crushed two liter plastic bottle, fetchingly labled "Soda," and her breasts escaping her too tight top, only to see through the still open door, you sitting in your car pounding the steering and making a high keening noise......
Johnny-That must have sucked ass for you.
Commander-Like an electrolux.
Dr. Z-That's the punch line of this story.
Liberality-Honesty is the best policy.
Bubs-I turned her into the RC & Moon Pie board, they threw her ass in jail.
Phydeaux-I know what you mean! There always a nice car out in front of those shacks!
Boxer-I do love RC, but only in small doses.
Covert-I knew you loved that story, that's why I made you wait for it.
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