Showing posts with label southern stereotypes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label southern stereotypes. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Voters in the deep south discuss why they love Rick Santorum

"I like his stance on the issues and the fact that his last name is associated with butt sex."

"I like how religious he is and I know for a fact that he's really a Protestant in disguise. When he takes the oath of office he'll be born again and he'll leave all the Papist nonsense behind, because if he doesn't then he'll be the one who drives Obama and that birth control pill chugging whore to hell."

"My arms...my arms have been ripped off me. Sweet cheeses, I want to die, the pain is immense. Please kill me."

"I'm pretty sure Santorum smells like someone who I'd like to hang out with and since he wasn't endorsed by Jeff Foxworthy he's my guy. Oh and also I like him because he's not an uppity black man who might be a secret Kenyan Muslim."

"What? Did you think I was joking? I'm not. The pain is unbearable. Kill me now. Go get a death panel. Put antlers on me and tell the Palins I'm in season. Do whatever it takes to make me die. I beg you..."

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Shit southerners never say

  • "I'm not entirely sure how to properly do this task that I need to get done, if only someone from the Midwest or New York city could come down here and tell me how to do it. Repeatedly."
  • "Paula Deen is a totally accurate representation of people all over the south."
  • "The toothbrush was invented here in the south because if it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called a 'teethbrush'."
  • "No, I wouldn't care for any more banana pudding."
  • "I find Gunter Grass novels a bit too wordy and symbolic for my taste."
  • "I wish it snowed more and stayed cold longer here."
  • "The stereotypes about people and life here in the south are totally true. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go out to the couch that's on top of the car in my yard and screw my sister before I go down to the banjo jamboree for unemployed Baptist ministers."

Monday, January 11, 2010

Monkey Movie Reviews

On this cold as Christian charity weekend we watched two films. We saw this one last night:
It's a sweet tale of an expectant young couple looking for a place to nest and lives their lives once their baby pops out. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would because of all the mixed things I had heard about it. It's worth viewing mainly for the supporting actors who do such great comic and poignant turns in it. Allison Janney and Jim Gaffigan as the polar opposite married couple in Phoenix are a hoot. Maggie Gyllenhaal and Josh Hamilton are creepily funny as the uber new age couple. And finally Melanie Lynskey and Chris Messina are stellar as the tragically bittersweet couple who live in Montreal. So if the best performances are turned in by the supporting actors where does that leave out erstwhile leads? Well, Maya Rudolph is fine but John Krazinski kind of fades against the strong performances turned in by everyone else. He's kind of milquetoast.

Over all thought I recommend this movie. It's a sweet little film.

And we watched this one Saturday night:

Woody Allen finally got the memo that moviegoers were creeped out by him when he cast himself as the love interest to very young women. So what did he do in this movie? He casts Larry David in 'the Woody Allen' role. And not unsurprisingly Larry David is a perfect fit for that role. Too bad the movie as a whole doesn't hold up.

This film is another in the long line of Woody Allen films that tells us that all the world's idiocy, racism, and sexism would be cured if we all just moved to New York city. It's a magical place where we southern racists learn to love minorities, where the repressed backwoods catfish eating holy rollers leave their god behind and get civilization and learn to love jazz and polyamory, and where the long closeted can finally come out and open antique stores with their new found same sex partners. Oy vey, what a magical place Woody's NYC is! Too bad it's only a fantasy that a New York city centric old man enjoys.

This movie is cute in parts and Rachel Evan Wood is very pretty to look at but that's about it. I'll give Larry David credit for becoming Woody Allen in this movie but I can't recommend it. To me the stink of southern stereotypes was too strong to get past.