Here's my version:Before he escaped from New York and LA, Snake was a bag man for the Vatican. And as some of you know Vatican City is home to some of the best looking hats and head gear in history. There's always a pope or two running around wearing a huge mitre or a stupid looking mini red cowboy hat:
Also there's nun's a plenty in outrageous wimples:
And of course we can't forget the guards who protect the pope and the cardinals when they're snorting coke, coming up with stupid out dated positions on condoms and HIV/AIDS, or when they're just kicking back and molesting little boys:
As we all know the Vatican is a pretty crowded place what with all those hats, jewels, piles of gold, dirty robes, S & H Green Stamps, art works, and other shit, so it's entirely possible that our boy Snake took a wrong turn and poked his eye out on the corner of someone's hat.
But what really happened was someone sent Pope Billy Bob the 25th a monkey that was wearing a fez.
On that fez was a rope made of gold thread, the end of which had been dipped in poisonous acid. That someone, most likely Jerry Falwell on his death bed, knew that the pope would take the golden rope off the fez, which is exactly what the pope tried to do. But as he reached for the monkey, the monkey whipped off the fez and it tried to jam the acid dipped rope end in the pope's mouth. Plissken walked in with a bag of cash as the monkey was making it's move and he whipped the bag of cash at the monkey. The fez flew out of the monkey's hand and it landed poion end first in Snake's eye. The corrosive poison quickly burned out Snake's eye and he ran screaming from the Vatican. He ended up losing not only his eye, he lost his faith in the Roman Catholic church as well. However he gained a friend in the ordeal. The monkey felt so much remorse over burning out the wrong man's eye that he followed Snake and they became good friends, until the night Snake had to eat him because he could not find his emergency can of Beenie Weenies that is.
