History has proven me correct once again

In the last midterms the Democrats got their clocks cleaned, lost a bunch of seats, and I said they'd move to the right, which would be the wrong thing to do since voters want them to be Democrats not 'Republican lite.'  And after the drubbing they took last night, history proved me right.  In race after race they ran to the right, they ran away from Obama, from Obamacare, from core issues and traditional positions that made Democrats win in previous elections.

And they're getting ready to do it again because Democrats are like dinosaurs, they have small brains and they refuse to learn.  They're going to move further to the right and they're going to point at the far left of their party and blame them for losses they suffered last night.  They'll do this even though voters in Republican led states like Nebraska and Arkansas voted overwhelmingly for minimum wage hikes, voters in Alaska voted for marijuana legalization, and voters in San Francisco voted for a $15 an hour living wage hike.  Traditional Democratic party issues are winners, yet current Democrats run from them like they're poison.

No one shoots themselves in the foot better and with more elan than Democrats.

So who are you voting for?

I polled some people entirely at random and I asked them who they planned to vote for. Here's what they told me:

"We're voting for anyone named Bush. They seem to know how to deliver for white folks, so we're with them for the long haul."

"I'm voting for anyone who has the courage to admit that Christians, even though we're in the majority in this country, are a persecuted minority."

"Vote? Only the little people vote and besides, I'm too rich to care which political candidate screws you little people over yet again."

"I'm voting for that woman who isn't a witch, because after all, witches have far too much political power in this country."

"I'm going to tote my gardener and my pool boy. What's that? Oh, vote. No. I'm not voting because I'll be too busy carrying my gardener and pool boy around on election day."

"Can I vote for Eisenhower? Oh wait, he's too far left to be a Republican in today's political climate. So I'll vote for Eye of Newt. Yeah, bitches, I'm a witch. And I'm engaged to Dr. Bombay and you can suck it if you don't get that reference."

"I'm voting for that guy who hates the gays in public but makes money off them in private. That's how I roll as a member of the Hypocrite Party. Now stop staring at my tits even though I'm showing them to you."