Christmas Special 2012: It's an awfully Antipodean Christmas (or Holiday down under!)

That's right people, it's time for my annual Christmas special and this year it's, aside from me, all antipodean!  Why?  Because it's my fucking special and I'll do it with who I want, where I want.  You're not the boss of me goddamn it, especially at Christmas time.  I do what I want.  And this year after watching so many Aussie imports on Netflix and HuluPLUS, I decided I wanted to spend this Christmas special with as many hot antipodean honeys as I could.  So tune in this weekend and you'll see me and Alison Bell under the mistletoe.

We'll be kissing and doing a duet of the classic Aussie Christmas tune, 'It's beginning to look a lot like Bogans.'

Next up the lovely Celia Paquola will snowball me in front of a crowd of half naked drunken elves.

 After a brief shower, I'll unwrap Madeleine West and give her a Yule log she won't soon forget.

Anna Hutchison will join us for a rousing version of 'I saw Santa's Billabong in Mommy's Didgeridoo.'

After a word from our sponsors, Schlubby Soda, Graham's Reindeer Crackers (now with 10% more dried reindeer organs!), and Vaginal Intrusion Brand Sanitary Pads, Asher Keddie and I will conspire while we shit by the fire.

Of course I'll need a shower after that, so I'll soap up and get dirty with Jane Harber while parolees from an unnamed prison in Tasmania watch.

Once I'm all dried and dressed again, Jenna Lind joins me for bit of slap and tickle in a punch bowl full of wassail, after which we're sure to be arrested on public drunkenness charges, so I'll call
 

Simone Kessell to bail me out and she'll arrive in Santa's sleigh wearing nothing but goodwill towards men.  After I check her for crocodile bites in all her private places, we'll swing by and pick up

 the lovely Georgina Haig and we'll drive her into the new year. 

So yeah, this looks to be my best Christmas special yet, so join me, my cast of awesome antipodean babes, my house band, Mojo Nixon and the Toadliquors, and let us all help you ring in the holiday season in style!

Awesome Aussie gal of the week

Georgina Haig.

Film reviews

Intruders is a slick little thriller that folds in on itself.  It's the story of what happens when a little boy and a little girl, years later, dream about the same faceless figure who is out to torment them both.  The film is told in two parallel stories that dovetail together in a surprise ending.  It's very entertaining and I quite liked it, even if they did waste the lovely Dutch treat Carice Van Houten in a small role.  

 Roadkill is a highly entertaining horror thriller that walks a fine line between being just another cheesy Aussie flick about bad shit going down in the outback and being a tight little horror thriller.  Two sexy young 20 something couples are on a camping trip in the outback when they get set upon by a demonic truck, or as they are known in Australia, a road train.  They undergo all sorts of hardships and injuries before they figure out the sinister secret of just what is propelling the truck.  I'd tell you more but if I did I'd give away a lot of the suspense and the fun of the movie.  I recommend this one for all fans of thrillers, the outback, and sexy young people.

Flame & Citron are two Danish freedom fighters who kill Nazis and Danish collaborators in the final months of World War 2.  They shoot and terrorize who they are told to and they do it without complaint, until they figure out they've been double crossed, perhaps even triple crossed.  This film, based in part on actual events, is very good, even if it does drag a bit in the last third.  The performances shine and the body count is astronomical.  It's violent but it's a war movie after all.  It's also surprisingly tender at times.  I highly recommend this subtitled Danish gem.

Action: The October Crisis of 1970 is an excellent documentary about the events that led up to the kidnapping of two upper echelon politicians in Quebec in 1970.  For many years English speaking Canadians ruled over the majority Franco-phone population of Quebec.  This film shows how that institutionalized oppression led to the Quebec separatist movement, an offshoot of which was the FLQ (aka the Quebec Liberation Front), which was responsible for many acts of domestic terrorism which included the kidnappings and the subsequent murder of one of the hostages.  I found this documentary to be terribly interesting and compelling.  It lays out all the facts with out any spin and it doesn't moralize or point fingers, it lets you decide who the villains and who the heroes of this crisis are.  I find Canadian politics and the crises of this era, the 1960's through the mid 1970's, to be very interesting, so I loved the heck out of this film.  I vaguely recalled some of these events when they went down, so it was nice to finally learn what actually happened.  I highly recommend this one.