Coming clean

In case you haven't heard, the free ride for us bloggers is officially over. The FTC has voted to regulate us and make us disclose what we were paid by companies to give their products and or services a good review. Evidently if we don't confess then we'll be given a stern talking to, then hit with steep fines, have our internet taken away, sent to our rooms with out supper, and be forced to take long languid tepid showers with Joan Rivers, Barry Manilow, baseball Hall of Famer Rod Carew, and creepy has been Lindsay Lohan. So in order to escape all of those punishments I am hereby coming clean and I do disclose the following:

I have never ever received payment for any book, TV, movie, or restaurant review.

I have however received the following things as payment from the following people or companies:
Keezel's Paint and Body Shop gave me a bucket of rust for taking this artsy shot of their decaying sign.

Jimmy Kliegler, aka ^o^, paid me a juice box and a bag of soggy Cheerios not to tell his mom and dad that he pooped a little bit in his Underoos, then took them off, and buried them in the bushes behind Munsey Memorial Methodist Church.

Underoos paid me five bucks in USDA Food stamps to mention their product in this blog post.

The owner of this barn paid me little or no attention when he saw me taking a photo of his barn. And yes, this is this week's Barn of the Week. Boo ya bitches, I'm multi tasking.

The makers of Venus-Adonis Electric Normalizer paid me a case of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat!, to not use their product.

The makers of Mister L promised to give me all of Mr. T's films on DVD if I put this ad in this post. My long time dream of doing a shot by shot deconstruction of DC Cab is going to come true pretty soon! Hells to the yeah.

The fine people at Holiday Motor Hotel gave me a free room and a nasty rash for mentioning them on my blog.

Uncle Jimmy's House of Aspic Delights, which is out on Rte. 33 just past the trailer park and the dumpsters that are always on fire, gives me an aspic dish of my choice every time I do a culinary horror post.

Archie Panjabi and all my other adopted actors pay me seventy bazillion vegetarian tacos for all the publicity I give them.

And finally the Portland School of Meat Cutting and Textile Design has given me a nice afghan made of woven sausage in recognition of my advanced use of adverbs.

Yo, FTC, does that cover it? If it doesn't then how about you guys come after me. It'll make a great series of blog posts if you do.