Tempting Carrie (A very special guest post by Ol' Scratch)

Hey wazz up ya'll, fire and brimstone in da house! It's Lucifer, Ol' Scratch, The Dark One, Beelzebub, Satan himself, Brother of Jesus to you Mormons, here! How's it hanging? I'm good thanks for asking. I've been hanging out in an undisclosed location with a certain former vice President who's a real dick, if you know what I'm saying and I think you do. But now that ol' Dickie has gone public with his criticism of Obama, I needed something to do until he got back to the grotto of unspeakable horrors.

So guess what I did?

I went to the Miss USA pageant, because first of all I loves me some beauty queens, and second of all because Donald Trump and me are BFF's. Who do you think introduces him to all his wives? Me! Anyhoo, I was sitting there watching the proceedings and that gal with the fake tits from California gets up there and that little celebrity ass licker Prez Hilton asks her that gay marriage question and I just had to jump in there and mess with things. Come on, who didn't see that coming? It's what I do. I'm Satan baby, I fuck with people, it's my thang bitchezzzz. See, I jumped inside Carrie's head I knocked her thought out of the way and I told her that she'd win if she displayed some intolerance and ignorance towards gays on the marriage equality issue. I knew she'd do the opposite of what I told her and damn if she didn't fall for it. She's made Christians look bad again, as if they needed any help hahahahaha. Sometimes it's too easy being me. I keep telling her to shut her face and to stop talking about the gay marriage thing but she keeps on doing the opposite of what I tell her and which is just what I want her to do!

But fucking up her life isn't all I've been up to lately. I've been meeting with bankers, credit card companies, medical insurers, and Rush Limbaugh, and I've made sure they keep on keepin' on the path they've been on. Oh, I also made Bristol Palin flip flop on the abstinence issue thing. And I made sure Adam Sandler and Sarah Jessica Parker stay healthy so they can keep making more movies. Damn, I am diabolical! With all that going on I almost forgot to give my girl Michelle Bachman a shout out but then when I was causing more suffering in the Gaza Strip and Darfur I suddenly remembered her and I went ahead and fixed her election so she'd win again in 2010. Good times people, good times.

Now, I've got some more free time until Dick gets back from his 'Spread the Hate and Lies 2009 Tour' so I'm gonna head down to Georgia and look for a fiddler so I can steal his soul. Ciao baby!