"Never trust anyone who feels it necessary to tell you they are a Christian in the first thirty seconds after you meet them.""Always trust a conservative to do the wrong thing."
"Libertarians are people who are afraid to admit they are xenophobic fascists."
"Wash behind your ears and wipe your butt because you never know when someone is going to look behind your ears or try to casually cornhole you."
"If you are looking for laughs in a Chevy Chase movie, then you might as well go look for green cheese on the moon."
"Anyone who takes marriage advice from a Catholic priest will also buy a car from someone who has bed head and is dressed in a bathrobe and a thong."
"If it's wrong to torture Americans, then it's wrong to torture anybody."
"Never listen to anyone who was afraid to be drafted during a war but who is gung ho about sending other people's kids to die in a different war."
"Even though he's funny in some things, someone needs to tell Jack Black to shut the hell up sometimes."
"Religion is for people who need to be told what to do. It was Orwellian before we knew what Orewellian meant."
"I need some pie and a good stiff drink."
9 comments:
What a perfect post for the day when Brother Barack nailed his speach at Notre Dame. Way to be on the cutting edge as usual.
Fourth one down made me choke on the water I was drinking. But of course, all of the cornholing that I do is pretty angry and direct.
I only wish my Grandma would have said even just one of those things.
I'm still laughing from the first one! So true, all these things!
That Grandma! I always knew I liked that woman.
Hearing from Grandma is all well and good, but I'd like to hear what Captain Jingleballs has to say.
Captain Jingleballs is on thin ice in my comment world Ubie. If he chooses to comment, he'd better choose his words wisely.
I might have to try some of these on some of my relatives sometime. V. funny
Amen Grandma! Particularly the last one! ;)
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