Monday, March 31, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
Movie Review Round Up
Lovelace-Good but unsettling film about the brief porn career of the female lead of the infamous porn movie Deep Throat. Great performances all around, especially Amanda Seyfried, Peter Skaarsgard, Sharon Stone, and Chris Noth. There's some nudity and violence directed against women in this film, so be aware. I recommend this one but no for the squeamish among you.
The Loving Story-Very informative documentary about Mildred and Richard Loving, the couple who took the interracial marriage ban case all the way to the US Supreme Court. The Lovings were a simple couple who just wanted to be together and raise their kids near their families in Virginia. They just wanted to live their lives together and to be left alone, but sometimes history has a way of making ordinary people heroes. I defy you to watch this film and not fall in love with the late Mildred Loving. Highly recommend this one.
Silent Running-Bruce Dern is on a spaceship with three smart asses and a shitload of plants and animals. The guys get recalled back to earth and are told they must destroy all the ships and all it's cargo. Dern freaks out, kills the others, and sails off with a shipload of trees, plants, animals, and some two legged robots. I remember seeing this film in the early 1970's and thinking it was the coolest thing ever, sadly, upon reviewing I must revise that opinion. This one sucks. It's the logical extension of all those dystopian films like Omega Man, Soylent Green, and Planet of the Apes. Earth has gone to hell in a hand basket, so a heroic earth worshipper sails away with plants and animals in the hopes that one day he'll colonize another world that we won't fuck up. It's laughable really. Recommended only for the cheese factor.
Dean Splaney-A Vicar who was a dog in a past life remembers his dog days when he's lost in drinking his favorite wine. A pretty slight premise makes a pretty slight film. Kind of boring too. Not recommended.
Bounty Killer-In a dystopian future corporations take over everything and bounty killers spring up to kill corporate overlords in an effort to reign in corporate power. High octane fun this film is. Writing like Yoda talks I am. Loving this ultra violent sexy film I am. Highly recommending it I am.
Burke and Hare (2010) and Burke and Hare (1972)- These two very different films tell the story of Irish murderers Burke and Hare. These two men found out medical schools in Edinburgh in the early part of the 19th century paid cash for cadavers to dissect so they went out murdering people and selling their corpses. The earlier of these two films is more historically accurate but the later one is a far more entertaining film. I recommend the 2010 version, despite it's historical inaccuracies.
Contracted-A woman shags a dude who just fucked a corpse. The next day she starts bleeding from her orifices and then things go downhill for her from there. Ugh. I rooted for the disease in this film. I found most all of the leads annoying and the supporting characters to be idiots. As the woman degenerates and her disease worsens her friends keep asking her if she's 'doing okay' when one look at her tells anyone with at least one working brain cell that she's not fucking long for this world. I hated this one and I wanted every charcater in it to die a violent horrible death.
The Iran Job-Eye opening documentary about a b grade basketball player who wasn't quite good enough to play in the NBA but was good enough to play internationally. He ends up playing in Iran, which is a basketball mad country. The film documents his life during his first year playing in Iran and it shows just how tough it is to live in a modern day theocracy, especially if you're a female, he befriends a group of women. Highly recommend this one even if you're not a basketball fan, which I am not.
The Kids Are All Right-A long time lesbian couple's kids find the guy who donated sperm their mothers used to have them with. One of the lesbians has an affair with him and her partner finds out. Not a bad film and I could easily see Annette Benning and Julianne Moore as the couple in question, in fact I probably fantasized about them doing it long before this film ever came out. My only problem with this movie is it's lays all the blame for the affair at the feet of the sperm donor, Mark Ruffalo. He's not blameless in it, but it takes two to tango. Recommended with reservations.
The Loving Story-Very informative documentary about Mildred and Richard Loving, the couple who took the interracial marriage ban case all the way to the US Supreme Court. The Lovings were a simple couple who just wanted to be together and raise their kids near their families in Virginia. They just wanted to live their lives together and to be left alone, but sometimes history has a way of making ordinary people heroes. I defy you to watch this film and not fall in love with the late Mildred Loving. Highly recommend this one.
Silent Running-Bruce Dern is on a spaceship with three smart asses and a shitload of plants and animals. The guys get recalled back to earth and are told they must destroy all the ships and all it's cargo. Dern freaks out, kills the others, and sails off with a shipload of trees, plants, animals, and some two legged robots. I remember seeing this film in the early 1970's and thinking it was the coolest thing ever, sadly, upon reviewing I must revise that opinion. This one sucks. It's the logical extension of all those dystopian films like Omega Man, Soylent Green, and Planet of the Apes. Earth has gone to hell in a hand basket, so a heroic earth worshipper sails away with plants and animals in the hopes that one day he'll colonize another world that we won't fuck up. It's laughable really. Recommended only for the cheese factor.
Dean Splaney-A Vicar who was a dog in a past life remembers his dog days when he's lost in drinking his favorite wine. A pretty slight premise makes a pretty slight film. Kind of boring too. Not recommended.
Bounty Killer-In a dystopian future corporations take over everything and bounty killers spring up to kill corporate overlords in an effort to reign in corporate power. High octane fun this film is. Writing like Yoda talks I am. Loving this ultra violent sexy film I am. Highly recommending it I am.
Burke and Hare (2010) and Burke and Hare (1972)- These two very different films tell the story of Irish murderers Burke and Hare. These two men found out medical schools in Edinburgh in the early part of the 19th century paid cash for cadavers to dissect so they went out murdering people and selling their corpses. The earlier of these two films is more historically accurate but the later one is a far more entertaining film. I recommend the 2010 version, despite it's historical inaccuracies.
Contracted-A woman shags a dude who just fucked a corpse. The next day she starts bleeding from her orifices and then things go downhill for her from there. Ugh. I rooted for the disease in this film. I found most all of the leads annoying and the supporting characters to be idiots. As the woman degenerates and her disease worsens her friends keep asking her if she's 'doing okay' when one look at her tells anyone with at least one working brain cell that she's not fucking long for this world. I hated this one and I wanted every charcater in it to die a violent horrible death.
The Iran Job-Eye opening documentary about a b grade basketball player who wasn't quite good enough to play in the NBA but was good enough to play internationally. He ends up playing in Iran, which is a basketball mad country. The film documents his life during his first year playing in Iran and it shows just how tough it is to live in a modern day theocracy, especially if you're a female, he befriends a group of women. Highly recommend this one even if you're not a basketball fan, which I am not.
The Kids Are All Right-A long time lesbian couple's kids find the guy who donated sperm their mothers used to have them with. One of the lesbians has an affair with him and her partner finds out. Not a bad film and I could easily see Annette Benning and Julianne Moore as the couple in question, in fact I probably fantasized about them doing it long before this film ever came out. My only problem with this movie is it's lays all the blame for the affair at the feet of the sperm donor, Mark Ruffalo. He's not blameless in it, but it takes two to tango. Recommended with reservations.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The Johnson City Press guide to great newspapering
First off most people who take our newspaper aren't used to good reporting so that frees us up a lot and we don't have to do hard hitting investigative journalism. But if our readers don't expect good reporting from us, they do expect something for their money.
So here's what we do in lieu of real reporting, we make every story we can into an anti Obama story, it's what our readers want. A kid lost his cat? Blame Obama. A senior citizen got stabbed in Walmart? Blame Obama. Obama wins the election? Make sure people know most people in the Tri Cities voted for Romney.
We also do lots of stories about businesses that advertise with us, after all they're the ones that pay our bills.
We also run lots of old photos, like this one because we have lots of space to fill.
We run lots of ads too, in fact, we cut stories in order to run more ads.
And when in doubt, we blame Obama and liberals again.
Lots of photos of children help keep our readers happy that there is little or no journalistic content in our paper.
So, to sum up, we run lots of photos, ads, and make every story into an anti Obama one, that's our secret to success!
So here's what we do in lieu of real reporting, we make every story we can into an anti Obama story, it's what our readers want. A kid lost his cat? Blame Obama. A senior citizen got stabbed in Walmart? Blame Obama. Obama wins the election? Make sure people know most people in the Tri Cities voted for Romney.
We also do lots of stories about businesses that advertise with us, after all they're the ones that pay our bills.
We also run lots of old photos, like this one because we have lots of space to fill.
And when in doubt, we blame Obama and liberals again.
So, to sum up, we run lots of photos, ads, and make every story into an anti Obama one, that's our secret to success!
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
This blog has had over one million page views, so let's celebrate!
What made this blog so loved that it's pages have been viewed over one million times? Four words: pictures of pretty women.
Salma Hayek
Indira Varma
Archie Panjabi
Sarah Polley
And Hannah O'Sullivan.
Not over yet
Monday, March 24, 2014
We never had a chance
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Get a quarterback
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
I could watch this video all day long
She's the best thing ever to come out of Louisville.
Sadly, that's not our love child she's cradling in her arms.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
It's time for another episode of that Soviet era children's TV show, "Hey comrade, what happened to all the vodka?"
"Hey comrade, what happened to all the vodka?"
"The Politburo said they didn't drink it all. And hey, look, this month's copy of 'Olga and the Tractor' finally came!"
"We asked every one on the collective farm if they drank it all and they said 'No.' "
"Bossy the capitalist cow didn't drink all the vodka, instead she ate all the LSD that the CIA was going to put in our drinking water. Look at Bossy's funny drug induced hallucinations. Haha, silly capitalist cow!"
"So tell me comrade, who drank all the vodka? And while you're at it, tell me what your reactionary parents have been up to..."
"My sister drank a lot of the vodka and then she gave some to Mr. Socialist Snake. Or maybe Bossy hallucinated that as well."
"Apparatchik Alligator drank some of the vodka, so did Brother Elephant. But surely they didn't drink it all."
"Hahaha, comrade this has all been a big joke on you! Our glorious socialist republic never has and never will run out of vodka! We are best producers of vodka in world."
"Most brilliant scientists in all of the motherland work tirelessly to make sure we never run out."
"Now, on a serious note, have you informed on your friends and family lately?"
This episode of Soviet Children's TV was brought to you by Molotov Cocktail brand American style blue jeans, Ivan Denisovich Dating Service, and Stakhanovite Dachas.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Cooking with Dr. Monkey (mid-century recipe edition)
Today's episode: Golden shrimp puff.
Some friends of ours held a Mid Century Potluck the other night and I made a dish from a recipe I found in the 1967 edition of the Betty Crocker Hostess Cookbook. I chose this dish because it looked easy to make and I thought it might taste good, but mainly because it looked easy to make.
I started out by boiling, then cleaning, then chopping up my shrimp. I boiled it in Old Bay seasoned water to give it a little flavor because the rest of the recipe was light on the herbs and spices.
Next I cut off the crusts from ten slices of white bread, then I cubed up the slices, and laid them to rest in my rectangular Pyrex baking dish.
Then in my giant measure cup, I cracked six eggs and whisked them together.
To the eggs I added three cups of milk, 3/4 tablespoon of dried mustard, 1/2 tsp of salt, and two tablespoons of chopped fresh parsley and I mixed it all together.
Then I dumped in two cups of reduced fat cheddar, the recipe called for 'processed American cheese,' but I sacrificed that bit of authenticity. I dumped my shrimp in and then I poured the mixture over my bead cubes:
It went in to the oven next and I baked it at 325 for about 50 minutes.
When it came out of the oven it was indeed puffy. It puffed up to twice it's original size and had I followed the recipe, I should have served it right then, but I didn't. I let it sit and cool some and then we took it to the party about an hour later and it deflated and became kind of rubbery.
The verdict: It tasted kind of odd and it severely lacked spices and flavoring. The egginess of it was almost overpowering. It tasted like baked eggs that let other shit get in it's way. Would I make it again? Probably not but it was fun to try it.
The other food at the party was actually very good, aside from the fact that most of it consisted of various incarnations of Spam and Jell-O based creations. My dish was an also ran in a tight field of surprisingly tasty dishes from the past.
Some friends of ours held a Mid Century Potluck the other night and I made a dish from a recipe I found in the 1967 edition of the Betty Crocker Hostess Cookbook. I chose this dish because it looked easy to make and I thought it might taste good, but mainly because it looked easy to make.
Next I cut off the crusts from ten slices of white bread, then I cubed up the slices, and laid them to rest in my rectangular Pyrex baking dish.
Then in my giant measure cup, I cracked six eggs and whisked them together.
To the eggs I added three cups of milk, 3/4 tablespoon of dried mustard, 1/2 tsp of salt, and two tablespoons of chopped fresh parsley and I mixed it all together.
Then I dumped in two cups of reduced fat cheddar, the recipe called for 'processed American cheese,' but I sacrificed that bit of authenticity. I dumped my shrimp in and then I poured the mixture over my bead cubes:
The verdict: It tasted kind of odd and it severely lacked spices and flavoring. The egginess of it was almost overpowering. It tasted like baked eggs that let other shit get in it's way. Would I make it again? Probably not but it was fun to try it.
The other food at the party was actually very good, aside from the fact that most of it consisted of various incarnations of Spam and Jell-O based creations. My dish was an also ran in a tight field of surprisingly tasty dishes from the past.
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