"Ever since I accepted his friend request food tastes better. The sun shines brighter. Rain feels wetter and my poop is solid once again. He's been a godsend."
"Chicks dig me more and I get handjobs galore now that me and Jay Jay are Facebook buds."
"I haven't had a period in a month of so and I'm sick in the morning a lot lately."
"A Negro family moved in down the street from me and the wife and Mr. Smith encouraged me not to don my Klan robes and burn a cross in their yard. He told me to extend the hand of friendship, like I had done to him, and you know what? Now my wife and I are friends with that black couple and we go to swingers parties together."
"Horses are pretty."
"Jayden K. Smith has ruined my life. He changed all the settings on our home electronics and then he got me fired from my job. He looted my bank account, slept with my wife, and he got me hooked on drugs, hardcore porn, and United Methodism. I rue the day I accepted his friend request. RUE IT I say!"